Lipstick Makes Everything Better

Messaging Overload. It’s a Balance, Kids May 18, 2012

I have zero game. None. True story: My mom asked some of her friends to pray for me recently because it’s quite clear to her that I  need a man (I mean, how many times can you get stopped by a cop for needing a new tag and use the excuse “that’s my dad’s job” without said excuse losing it’s juice). I’m not totally helpless but I also need someone a little more… well, grounded, in my day-to-day life. I’m blonder than I pay to be.

Anyway… back to my no game. Today I saw a beautiful white lab (similar to my old dog Dooley) traipsing through some bushes on the side of a major road in Charlotte. I pulled into a parking lot near these bushes because a) I was going to a restaurant in the area and b) I was gonna save that dog. Almost as soon as I pulled into the parking space I spot a smokin hot man playing on his iPad. I assumed it was his dog that I was about to save.

The inner, sassy me thought “woohoo-kismet!”
The outer me that had to act on said sass thought, “Crap.”

Long story short: I talked to the hot guy. He looked me in the eyes and seemingly enjoyed my company. However, I interacted more easily with the dog than the hot man. After a short talk,told him his dog was gorgeous, smiled, and walked away. I went into the restaurant with no name, no follow-up, and lots of dog hair on my pants.

No. Game.

I’m telling you this for a reason beyond my lack of confidence with the fellas. In the wide world of dating in which I find myself, there are so many options to run back into Hot Guy with the Gorgeous Dog. See which one you think falls in the line of a balanced approach:

• Suddenly become even more regular in this shopping area.
• Find a book to read and camp out on the benches near the door he entered.
• Never go to that area again for fear he won’t remember me.
• Find and friend him on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Instagram.

Yeah… I’m sure you can pick any of those and feel a little iffy about them. We all have random encounters on a daily basis. Most of you probably do a better job of acting on them than I do but… we all have our own quirks. When it comes to a chance encounter we do the best we can with the moment before us.

So, why is it, most of us can manage a chance encounter without turning into a stalker. Yet, when phone numbers are exchanged or friend requests are accepted, so many of us turn into that crazy person who shares way too much?

I know I’m guilty. I took a 40-day sabbatical from social media because I was an over-sharer. However, I’m also a chatty woman. I enjoy community with other people and I swear, that’s a chick thing. I bet a few of you reading this think I text too much (ahem, my brother) but I get excited and like to chat!

But, if you don’t write back to me I soon give up. I get the message. You’re not interested in being my friend. No hard feelings. I dig cool people but I want them to dig me too.

If you don’t write back I assume we’re not looking at our relationship in the same manner. Why do I think that? Because that’s the reason I don’t write back to a constant influx of communication.

I love to talk. I do. But, I also love my space. The people with whom I do life understand my awkward personality. They keep me from being a hermit while also keep me from being annoying. In a world where anything you’d ever want to know about someone is a Google search away it’s refreshing to have someone allow for balance in a relationship.

Granted, the balance is hard to find because everyone is different. And many of us shift in and out of a socially acceptable style and form of communication. But, may I suggest a couple of simple rules to consider before you hit “send” on that next text or email:

1. Do you have more than 2 recent unanswered messages from this person? If so, it’s probably best to leave that person alone.

2. What time of the day is it? If it’s working time or sleeping time, leave him/her alone. Both give… well, not great connotations.

After answering these two basic questions start to think about why you message so many people for surface chatter instead of seeking physical community with them. We’re made to be in the physical presence of each other. If you don’t have a lot of friends in your city, ask God to help you meet some. He’ll provide.

And if you need constant noise around you and the “ding” of an incoming text provides said noise… Well, it’s time to get quiet and figure out why you need noise. We’re called to community with each other but we’re also called to community with the Lord. If we’re seeking so many horizontal relationships that we’re ignoring our vertical one then we’re missing a huge piece of our community puzzle.

And, if you think I’m full of it, let me know. Again, hot guy’s dog got more flirting from me than he did. There’s a good chance I’m all kinds of wrong. But… what if I’m not?

The Class of 2000… Reliving My College Graduation May 14, 2012

I didn’t do college like most folks I know. While most college kids were figuring out their favorite adult beverages with fake IDs I was figuring out my favorite work out and how to eat at the KD house when the cute athletes were visiting. (True story–I almost failed Econ 10 because hot baseball players always ate at my house the same time I was to be in class.)

Once my graduation date rolled around it’s no shock that I wasn’t ready to quite leave Chapel Hill. To this day that place holds a place in my heart that I see nothing replacing. But, as I think on another class earning their UNC stripes, I’m brought back to the day I was officially an alumnus of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

A few days before my last exam my dad called to tell me his mom, my Mom (grandmother) had taken a pretty bad fall and was in the hospital. He thought it was best if my brother and I come to Mooresville (our home town) before heading to the beach with our buddies. I should have realized something was up because he’d paid for our trip and always encouraged us to be with our friends. Yet, he specifically asked us to come home.

I was 21, a college graduate, and in deep desire for a tan. I went home simply because he asked. But, I didn’t wanna.

We saw Mom on a Thursday night. She died the next day.

I remember my dad coming home to tell us. He’d had a new radio installed in my Ford Explorer as part of my graduation gift. In the middle of bringing it home to me he stopped by the hospital. He noticed a hub bub that wasn’t normal and just knew. It was Mom. And she was gone.

Before you get too sad, my dear sweet Mom had been “dying” for years. My Pop died when I was 10, Mom was sure there weren’t many days left for her. She lived another 11 years without him. But all she wanted was to be reunited with him. So, her death, though a week before my college graduation and should have been crippling, was more about celebrating her and her reunification with her love than it was feeling sad for me.

I recently visited her grave. I knew she was older than Pop, but I always thought it was by a year or two. Nope. I think she was a good 5-6 years older than him. I think I get my desire for younger men honest. My crazy Mom did the cougar thang long before it was popular.

But back to my graduation and why today I remembered it more than most years…

Mom died May 12, 2000. It’s been 12 years since she’s left me. Today it rained; just as it rained on my graduation day. Mom never would have made it to see my graduate. Her body wasn’t working as it should. She was as crazy as ever (goodness, she could make me laugh) but her body was failing her. As I waited to walk across the Kenan Stadium field it started to rain. And in that rain I felt my Mom.

The woman who’d sent me handmade cards for years that were full of Scripture and prayers got to see her prayers come to fruition that May in the best seat in the house…  She did get to see me graduate right beside others I’d lost along the way.

I still miss my Mom who played the organ at her church, told me she’d “see me in the funny papers”, and gave me $5 every major or minor holiday. But, never do I miss her more than this time of the year. She was a kooky and silly and let me do whatever I wanted. She was a grandmother. And I love her.

You’ve Prayed Your Hannah Prayer. Now What? May 12, 2012

Hannah’s Prayer:

So Hannah ate. Then she pulled herself together, slipped away quietly, and entered the sanctuary. The priest Eli was on duty at the entrance to God’s Temple in the customary seat. Crushed in soul, Hannah prayed to God and cried and cried—inconsolably. Then she made a vow:
Oh, God-of-the-Angel-Armies,
If you’ll take a good, hard look at my pain,
If you’ll quit neglecting me and go into action for me
By giving me a son,
I’ll give him completely, unreservedly to you.
I’ll set him apart for a life of holy discipline.

It so happened that as she continued in prayer before God, Eli was watching her closely. Hannah was praying in her heart, silently. Her lips moved, but no sound was heard. Eli jumped to the conclusion that she was drunk. He approached her and said, “You’re drunk! How long do you plan to keep this up? Sober up, woman!”

Hannah said, “Oh no, sir—please! I’m a woman hard used. I haven’t been drinking. Not a drop of wine or beer. The only thing I’ve been pouring out is my heart, pouring it out to God. Don’t for a minute think I’m a bad woman. It’s because I’m so desperately unhappy and in such pain that I’ve stayed here so long.”

Eli answered her, “Go in peace. And may the God of Israel give you what you have asked of him.”

“Think well of me—and pray for me!” she said, and went her way. Then she ate heartily, her face radiant.

Up before dawn, they worshiped God and returned home to Ramah. Elkanah slept with Hannah his wife, and God began making the necessary arrangements in response to what she had asked. Before the year was out, Hannah had conceived and given birth to a son. She named him Samuel, explaining, “I asked God for him.”  1 Samuel 1:9-20 emphasis mine

I’m going to attempt to write this post was as much grace as possible. I don’t want to appear snarky, bitter, or ungrateful. I just want to get real with everyone reading this and hopefully give you some encouragement. Here we go…

Last week I heard about a video shown at a local church showcasing a woman who’d had a miscarriage. As soon as she grieved the loss of her child, she got on her hands and knees to desperately go before the Lord in her own Hannah prayer for another child. The woman almost immediately conceived once she prayed the prayer.

• Some of you think, “Well, of course. She laid it out and God answered her.”
• Others of you think, “I’ve prayed hundreds of Hannah prayers. I’ve begged and handed it all to God. Years later I still have no answer.”

Sorry, first group. I’m glad you got what you desired and praise be to God for your swift answer. But, I dedicate this post to those of you in group two. The waiters.

I’ve written on numerous occasions either in Lipstick or in my other, now dead, blog Growing Up Writing about my desire for my husband, more affectionately known as “my maaaaaaaaaaaaan.” I’ve spent the better part of the last 15 years crying, full-scale Hannah style, to the Lord for him.

I actually was one of those girls who went to college thinking I’d double major. I’d earn my Journalism degree along with my M.r.s. I figured my parents met in college. Most of the people I knew met their other half in college. Obviously, that would be my story too.

Yet, I sit here, years later, and I’m still checking the single box.  So, why have my Hannah prayers for my maaaaaaaaaaaaan gone seemingly unanswered? I’ve laid it all out. I’ve begged. I’ve pleaded. And, yes, I’ve given it to the Lord.

What I’d like to propose to you, and in doing so, hopefully encourage you is this: though I’m still checking the single’s box I’m checking it with a radiant face. Why? Because I actually have given this desire fully to Him. It’s no longer a burden I carry.

I believe the true beauty of Hannah’s prayer wasn’t the birth of Samuel. The true beauty was walking away from the altar knowing God had heard her cry, taken her plight as His own, and released her from pain. Hannah had no idea how or when God would answer her prayer. She just knew He would.

We see her leaving the altar to eat heartily with a radiant face. Wanting a child was no longer her burden to carry.

I feel the same way about my heart’s desire. It’s not my burden to carry. On most days at least…  Today I had a moment when I wanted to take back my “bring my man already” prayer.

All I’ve wanted for a month is to run errands with no timeline to which I needed to adhere. I wanted alone time to browse Target and Homegoods. I wanted to shop with my coupons and not have anyone calling or texting needing something for me. I got all of that alone time today. And all I saw were couples upon couples upon couples HOLDING HANDS and LOVEY DOVEY and suddenly I DIDN’T WANNA BE ALONE.

I almost got aggravated at God because there’s still no one knocking on my dating door. (Sidenote: if you are reading this and you think you’re knocking on my dating door well… As my mom says, I’m not real smart when it comes to men. You may have to bust the door down and be super clear. My personal theory is we’re friends until otherwise stated. You might need to state.)

But, before I could sink too far into the WHY ME? I checked myself. I reaffirmed that I’d laid my maaaaaaaaaaaaan desire at His feet. I kept my radiant face because I believe He will answer when the time comes. If you’ll read the last bit of Scripture you’ll see God began making necessary arrangements in response to what she had asked. When we truly lay our heart’s desire before the Lord, He begins working on our behalf. Rest in the Word He gave you.

So, you’ve prayed your Hannah prayer and now what?
Now you show your radiant face to the world.
Honey, a Believer resting in Him is a beauty our world needs to see.

Enough Is Enough aka Time to Get to Movin’ May 10, 2012

The LORD said to Samuel, “How long will you mourn for Saul, since I have rejected him as king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil and be on your way; I am sending you to Jesse of Bethlehem. I have chosen one of his sons to be king.” 1 Samuel 16:1

If you know much about Samuel, you know that he’s the son Hannah begged for from God and promised if she bore a son he’d be given back to the church for God’s service.  Samuel’s path of doing God’s work existed from day one of his life. He’d spent his life in a fulfilling and loving relationship with God. And God loved Samuel.

But, in 1 Samuel 16:1, we find God saying enough was enough to Samuel. No more tears over the debacle that was King Saul. No more questioning over maybe Samuel did or did not hear right from God. No more dwelling in a situation that wasn’t God’s plan. 

Dwell (from Webster’s dictionary)
intransitive verb

1 : to remain for a time
2 a: to live as a resident b: exist, lie
3 a: to keep the attention directed —used with on or upon <tried not to dwell on my fears>
b: to speak or write insistently —used with on or upon <reporters dwelling on the recent scandal>

Samuel’s dwelling attitude didn’t earmark him as a bad Christian. If you read about him, you’ll see his walk with the Lord demonstrated faith in and favor from God. I think because he got so much right, it was harder for him to accept something going wrong. Crowning Saul king only to have the entire situation blow up around him was devastating to all of God’s people; but I think Samuel took it the hardest.

And he decided to dwell in the pit of devastation for a while. 

Have you been there? Or, are you there now? Did something you REALLY thought would work out fall apart? Now you feel stuck  questioning what you did wrong and how not to do it wrong the next time.

Or, on a more day-to-day basis, do you reside in negative talk toward yourself? If someone doesn’t return a text or phone call to you is your immediate reaction, “He hates me. I’m annoying. I’m not worth his attention.” You then sit in your pit of self-loathing and wait for someone, anyone to affirm you.

• Do you stare at your collective bills while worry, doubt, and shame build within you?
• Is the job you want with that perfect company on your mind when you awake and with you until you sleep?
• Are you so consumed with what you’re not getting from your husband that you stop giving to him or anyone else?

Where have you taken up residence recently?
If your focus isn’t God’s focus then you’re out of sync. It’s time to get back in His will and His way. 
It’s time to move on from your dwelling ways. Enough is enough. 

You read that and say, “Arden, moving on is easier said then done. I can’t stop thinking about how things are so wrong right now. You don’t understand my situation.”

And you’re right. I don’t understand your situation. But, I’ve lived enough life to know that God didn’t just ask Samuel “how long he would mourn?” He asked me the same thing.

I first read that verse when I was trying my best to get over a man who I thought I was going to marry. We’d parted ways and I was devastated. I kept thinking of every “first” I did with him because I thought he was the man for me. I dwelt on the fact that we’d picked out rings and talked about our wedding plans. He knew all my secrets. He knew my passwords and I knew his. Goodness, we shared financial information. I loved him and wanted to do life with him.

And it was all a lie.

I dwelt so long in that lie that I became lost to the world around me. I was embarrassed and ashamed for being so darn stupid. I thought I surely heard God wrong in so many ways. I cried daily. I often didn’t get out of bed.

And God, through His living word asked me, “How long will you grieve over some guy that wasn’t meant for you. I have rejected him for your plan. Either you trust Me, Arden, or you don’t. Now get up. It’s time to move on. I’ve got a better plan for you.”

Through prayer and His strength I did move on. What was then sorrow I felt would never end now serves as a point of encouragement and inspiration for others. I’ve seen what good godly men look like. They look like the young shepherd boy who Samuel was told to go ordain.

Today I want to encourage you to stop dwelling on what isn’t right at the moment and trust in God’s ultimate plan for you. Taking up residence in a negative place is unhealthy and ungodly. I’ll tell you like He told me: Either you trust Him. Or you don’t. 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

I Have a Face for Radio April 30, 2012

A few weeks ago I found out I can still convey emotion without a camera in my face when I get on certain subjects. One of my hot button issues continues to be literacy, or the lack thereof, in our world. And when Lance Ferrell and I spent some time being interviewed by Francine Marie Morris for her radio show we attempted to bring the “get your read on” heat.

What started out as a time to promote the Friends of the Library’s upcoming book sale turned into a segment on literacy and why we’re still advocating to get folks reading.

Check out our segment here. It’s the last one on the list.

I’m pretty sure Lance blew up the cool factor while I tried to make my verbal marks. We’re thinking of starting a show… Peanut Butter & Jelly. Would you listen?

Training Ain’t Easy: My Attempt to Run the Race April 26, 2012

And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrews 12:1b

I do not like running. I’ve never gotten folks who love running. You know the ones… They’re desperate for a run when you’re desperate for an Oreo Blizzard. Running gives them life. It gives me blisters.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I workout like a champ. I’ll happily take you to school in any cycle, step (yeah, I said it) or Pilates class. But, please don’t make me run. PLEASE!

Enter into the equation the fact I’m training for a mini triathlon and suddenly this gal has to figure out how to endure a few miles of running to complete the race.

Dang. Dang. DANG!

To ensure I do all elements of my training for said mini-tri, aka swim, bike, and (ahem) run, I’ve set up a work out schedule based on my limited triathlon research. I also made an initial commitment that I only have to run once a week. And, I only have to do it in a run/walk fashion. But I do have to do it!  The triathlon isn’t until September. I figure I’m allowed some grace in the training process since I’m quite active and pretty physically fit.

But, I still have to keep my once a week running appointment even though grace abounds. To do so, I had to figure out a game plan to get my long legs pounding some pavement and new shoes wasn’t gonna be motivation enough.

Since my triathlon training started about the same time as my Unsocial Experiment I figured dedicating my runs to meditating on anything of the Lord would be the perfect motivation. I take no music because I’ll run to the beat (aka too fast) and not be able to go the distance I need to go. I ensure I’m on a pretty route so I’m taking in Godly creations and not just random pavement. And, I breathe.

I’ve done it 3-4 times and so far so good. Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!

In today’s run I couldn’t stop thinking about Hebrews 12 run with perseverance mixed with run in such a way as to get the prize (1 Corinthians 9:24). I ran 1.5 mile, walked for .5 mile, and then ran the last mile meditating on what it means for me to persevere and then win the prize while I run.

Here’s the other part I didn’t tell you that I think links perfectly with my whole running hang-up… I hate the process of growth in life because it’s hard and it hurts. For me, running represents a process. I can’t naturally run 2, 3, 15 miles straight. I have to work to build up endurance. And there’s no guarantee that I’ll see progress each time I hit the pavement.

When God molds and shapes us it’s a process. You may enjoy His process but frankly, I hate it. I hate digging up stuff with which I haven’t dealt and having to face it. I hate feeling sorrow for my sins. I hate knowing some things are gonna take a long time to fix. I get tired of waiting on the process to be complete.

How about you?

• Tired of waiting on a better job, or any job, when you know you’re meant for so much more than your current task?
• Tired of your marriage not being the bliss you intended it to be?
• Or, tired of hearing your married friends complain about their mates when you’re give your left toe for a life partner?
• Tired of not knowing how the house bill will get paid?
• Tired of your body constantly being sick?
• Tired… tired… tired…

I get it. That’s why I kept thinking about those verses during my run. So much of me wants to give up on the process God has me in because I’m tired.

I didn’t know a ton about the route I ran today so I wasn’t quite sure where the end would be. Part of my personal running agreement is I run until I can’t go any longer and then I can stop to walk. But, I must run again at some point. Today I paid close attention to pushing through a few more steps when I felt tired. I noticed that as I kept going I felt stronger with each step I took.

Until I neared the point of completion. The last .5 mile killed me. I wanted to stop. My ankles hurt. My hamstrings hurt. My rear end hurt. I kept thinking if I’d just stop the pain would go away. I was so close to the finish I could taste it but my body kept screaming JUST STOP. And it hit me…

How many of us stop just short of our finish line because we’re so tired of hurting?
How close are we to God completing His work in us if we’d just go that last half mile?

 Granted, most of the time, in our life process we can’t actually see the finish line. That’s where our faith in His master plans becomes imminent. But, we know He’s promised to never leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). Paul tells us that He who began a good work in us is faithful and just to complete it (Philippians 1:6).

 So why in the world do we quit just because it gets hard?

 For me, I don’t fully believe the Word God gave me. I lack faith. I lack trust. I lack heart.

It’s why I’m daily in His Word. I’m hourly petitioning for greater strength. Every single minute I work to control my ungodly thoughts and cover them with what He has told me.

Day 20 of My 40 Day Experiment

I’ve gotten a few questions about how I’m doing on my Unsocial Experiment. I thought since I’m halfway through it I’d take a minute to answer the questions I’m getting more often than not.

Q: Why unplug when you should be promoting your personal and professional work?

A: As crazy as it may sound to the world, God made it clear I was to take a break from actively engaging in Twitter and Facebook. (I define active as having the app on my iPhone and iPad (deleted ‘em), visiting either on any version of computer, scrolling my timeline ever, or engaging in conversation.)

I had my idea of what it would look like when I said “yes” to the 40 Day Fast but I was pretty wrong. I’m keeping a personal journal and it’s fulfilling to see how the Lord can work in and around me in a little over 2 weeks.

As for promoting Lipstick, I’m not gonna lie. I HATE seeing my numbers down and no reposting of my work. But, if I’m working for His glory anyway what does it matter that my pride has taken a HUGE hit; at least that’s what I keep telling myself.

And for professional work… Well, I’m tinkering with that but I feel like God will bless my work if I’m walking in Him. A few tweets and posts about a book sale won’t make or break it, right?

Q: Why do I see you still pop up on Twitter or Facebook from time-to-time?

A: Because I feed things directly to it from other programs. I try to not have that happen regularly so it does seem to one and all that I’m keeping my word, but sometimes it does. I also don’t have phone numbers or e-mails for everyone with whom I communicate on these mediums. So, I make sure to text my tweets or use my messenger app for Facebook. Therefore, I’m aiming to  stay true to “not being active”.

Q: Do I feel like I’m missing opportunities?

A: Yeah… I really do. I don’t know all that’s happening around town and the world like I’d like to know. I miss my news feeds and sports feeds the most. There are certain people who I l-o-v-e on Twitter and I miss their funny/snarky/smart comments. But, I’m also much more attune to my real life friends. I think I’m doing a better job of being invested in them when I’m around them. I’m not constantly checking my phone to see what I may be missing elsewhere.

Q: Is this a forever thing?

A: No. It can’t be; not in the world in which I live. Social media is here to stay and I like knowing how to use it properly. I think, remain marketable, I must stay up-to-date on all sorts of media. Since my personal and professional skills are often niche, I need to stay on top of trends. But, I do think I’ll be more conscious of the brand I’m putting forth. I didn’t like the brand I had 20 days ago.

Q: Are you telling the truth about this whole scene or are you trying to get attention?
Did a guy break your heart and you’re hiding from him?
Are you playing hard to get from a guy you’re into?
Is the stalker back?
Did you get in trouble at work?

A: Yes. No. No. NO (thank, God). No. I’ve gotten any variety of “are you telling the truth” from folks. People think I had some lurid affair with one of my followers, he needed a break, and I’m devastated. Others wonder if the stalker with which I’ve dealt has returned. Still others think I went one saucy step too far and I’m on probation at work.

Nope. None of those. I really do feel like God told me I needed a time out. I know it doesn’t make a great story to tell your friends about Lipstick Writer but such is life.

Here’s to the next 20 days!

The Need to Read: Yard Sale, Murder Mystery, and Lover Squashed April 23, 2012

I’m adding a new category to Lipstick in hopes I can better showcase my personal resume of talents. I’m lucky enough to get to be a part of local media in various capacities. One of my most frequent media appearances is on WBTV in a spot called The Need to Read.

During my bi-weekly spot I recommend three books based on a variety of criteria including: upcoming hot books, little known classics, or local authors’ latest work. I discuss all genre and age-groups in an effort to encourage the audience to expand its reading lists with each segment.

Check out the spot from April 23, 2012 here.

Legends of the Fall: Dreams of the Wild at Heart April 22, 2012

I never got the Brad Pitt love affair until I watched him play Tristan in Legends of the Fall. I just finished watching it for the umpteenth time and fell in love with Tristan all over again.

For the first time upon watching it I didn’t want to find a man to fulfill my Tristan fantasy (though that would be lovely… swoon). Instead, I want to be Tristan. I really want to explore my own wild at heart dreams.

My enduring adoration and love Tristan wasn’t his rugged good looks or his protection of family. It was Tristan lived his life so that it mattered. He took care of his own. He wasn’t always the smartest warrior but he was the most earnest. His passion drove him.

As I continue to walk in a space  where I’m losing my plans and desiring God’s plans, the more I realize want to be driven by a purposeful and godly passion.

In talks with folks recently many of them have been suggesting I’m bigger than the city in which I live and that to find my purpose I must move. Maybe they’re right.

Or, maybe that’s one more area I need to surrender; my desire to be big, to matter. God places dreams in our hearts for His purpose. I think He’s given me a passionate spirit full of wild dreams that most folks wouldn’t dare pursue. But, He gives them to me for His purpose.

Like Tristan, I want to die a good death; a death to my will and my ways. 

As I’m on my 40-day adventure I’m learning more and more about how I want to live; who I want to be. I’m no where near the finish life of completion but I’m trying to gather the spirit of who I am and become who I’m meant to be.

Yet, even during my Unsocial Experiment, a space where I’m keenly aware of my intentions I mess up. For example, my desire to “not plan” meant I missed seeing a friend recently. I learned sometimes I have to plan. I was really bummed I missed my time with said friend and took a little too long trying to think how I would’ve done it differently. I do it differently by not dwelling, yet doing better next time. I’m seeing I’ve got to have the grace with myself to see growing is a process. 

Nevertheless, at least I’m trying. I’m more alive today than I was two weeks ago when I started. I’m happier. I’m calmer. And I’m a better woman of God. My wild heart skips a beat to see what each day has in store for me. That’s a legend worth sharing!

Casting Call: New Life Verse Desired April 17, 2012

Before I dig into today’s post a quick eye update because I’m hearing some concern from those around me.

1. My eye appearance is much better today. I’ll leave it at that to spare you the gory details.

2. I still feel pain to look at things too long so I gave in and I’m going to the eye doctor. I’ve got an appointment and everything!

3. To appease my mama, no, the doctor wasn’t super cute. (I wanted Grey’s Anatomy‘s Dr. Jackson Avery. Don’t judge. He’s smokin!) But, my doctor was kind and comforting. He dealt with my inane questions and eye freak outs with grace and intelligence. (Are you happy, Ibby?)

Now, back to our regularly scheduled Arden Elizabeth musing…

I couldn’t work yesterday because I wasn’t allowed to read so my eye could heal. I figured it wasn’t fair to sit in my office chair all day and do nothing. (I’m cannot stand wasting time!) Instead I sat on my porch and at my pool to do  nothing.

Does anyone know how boring doing nothing actually is?!?

While I had the Bible read to me yesterday morning (thank you, God, for YouVersion) I realized, lately, I’ve been doing a lot of learning about Jesus and not much experiencing Him. I read a lot. Tons. If I need a new lesson from the Lord I go in search of a new book. I do try to think about what the author says and figure out if it’s something I should be learning.

Rarely do I just sit and wait on God to reveal something to me. Even with this blog I’m not sitting; I’m processing as I write. I’m researching what others might have to say and putting my own, albeit prayerful, spin on concepts. But I’m still doing something. I’m still active.

For the past two mornings I couldn’t read. I felt like God was going to be upset because our planned quiet time routine had been changed. I was going to miss two days of learning! I plan to learn daily!

Yet, because of my set plans for each morning I realized I could easily miss a moment of experience with the Lord. The point of my 40 days free of Twitter and Facebook is to experience Him more. Yet, it’s my habitual plans that have created the lack of experience; not social media.

My  Unsocial Experiment continues to unfold into much more than I planned. My latest nugget of learning may seem controversial to some and make total sense to others.

 I’m giving up my life verse: In his heart a man makes his plans but the Lord determines his steps, Proverbs 16:9.

I’m not much of a Name It & Claim It gal. I don’t believe I can speak words and they become true. But, I do believe there’s power in clinging to words that aren’t meant for me. And, I think I’ve rested in my plans for so long that not only is God not determining my steps, He’s not even part of the planning process.

I plan all.the.time. Everything in my life is planned. I’m taking a day off this week and going to Chapel Hill. I kid you not, I’ve planned everything from the time I should get up… when we should be at Sutton’s to eat lunch… where we should walk and tour… when we should head to the hotel to shower… what time we should get to the baseball game… and where we should go after the game.

IT’S A DAY OFF! VACATION! CHILL. THE. HECK. OUT!

I leave no room for spontaneity. I leave no room for a quirky mishap. And, I leave no room for Jesus.

Let’s be honest. A lot of life must be planned. Bills must be paid by a certain time. Deadlines at work must be met. Litter boxes must be cleaned. But, in between the must do I need to leave room for anything and everything else.

It’s time I leave room for life to happen. Planning seemingly makes life easier. It can also make life boring.

Oh, Unsocial Experiment… where will you take me next?

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Hey, have any of you ever done an experiment like the one I’m doing? What did you learn? Did you stick with what you learned after the project? Comment and let me know!