Lipstick Makes Everything Better

 

Cover My Thoughts March 31, 2012

Filed under: Ministry — Arden @ 11:08 pm

I’m in a rough patch. Do you ever hit those? Part of my problem in this very moment is I’m exhausted. I’ve stayed up too late most nights this week. And when I manage to hit the hay my mind runs rampant with weird dreams.

As a friend of mine told me, I’m thinking too much. Granted there are thoughts to be had but the exhaustion seems to spin my thoughts from positive to negative rather quickly.

  • Rejected:  I’m struggling with dating relationships. I’m great at being friends with men but terrible at understanding if they’re interested in me as more than a friend. I’m not sure if it’s me, him, or something in between but of late, thing can’t seem to get past the “getting to know you” phase. The more I attempt to be open to a relationship the more I seem to be rejected throughout the process.
  • Lack of Control: I am held accountable for certain projects within my work space. However, the folks with whom I am working on projects don’t seem to understand or respect my accountability. Each move I make has to be explained, justified, and often redone. The more I seek to reign in projects the more out of control they seem to spin. 
  • Abandoned: I wrote last week about needing to do a better job of doing life with God and not just for Him. He quickly affirmed my Holy Spirit leading… yet just as quickly seemed to vacate the Arden Elizabeth premises. I know God never truly leaves me, but I’m feeling quite alone in my current space.
After yet another less than peaceful night where my mind flipped from rejection to lack of control to abandonment and back again I realized I had.to.stop.thinking.
Because turning off a mind which constantly wants to learn is so suuuuuper simple.
Shutting down my thoughts feels, and actually may be, impossible. But refocusing my thoughts is entirely possible. The trick lies in finding the point of focus… On what to focus… On what to focus…
Scripture. Nothing but Scripture. If I am to focus on anything, I’ll fill my mind with the word of God. 
Several years ago, when I was going through the most terrible of break ups in conjunction with troubles at work, a precious friend, Mary Hayes, gave me a small notebook in which I could write Bible verses. It’s similar to what students might use when studying for tests.
And right now, my faith feels tested as I meander through the rough waters of rejection, loss of control, and abandonment.
Today, I pulled out that handy-dandy notebook and started looking through the Scriptures I’d captured during that time.
And the Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give you strength to your bones. And you will be like a watered garden. And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail. Isaiah 58:11
Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise Him again – my Savior and my God! Psalm 42:5
Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom can we go? You have the words of eternal life.” John 6:68
Oh, how alive the Word of God is throughout every moment of its reading. Every need has always been met for those who come to Him ready for His provision! And my need to NOT FOCUS ON ME is met when I focus on the Word of my Father.
Now, I began my focus on Scripture a good 12 hours ago and I still feel like a rejected woman who has no control but the feeling of abandonment has begun to subside. Will tomorrow be better? I’m not sure. I’ll let tomorrow care for itself. But tonight as I seek a night of peaceful sleep, I’ll work to meditate on Him. For, as Peter said, to who else would I go? He has the words of eternal life.
 
 

Sharing My Space (The Unfortunate Satire of Trayvon Martin) March 30, 2012

Filed under: Musing — Arden @ 3:23 am

Trayvon Martin’s story haunts me. I’ve had a hard time writing my feelings because I don’t want them to be true.

I don’t want to live in a world where whom I choose to be in relationship with should be dictated by the color of skin.

I don’t want to live in a world where a kid being shot is ever looked at as anything but tragedy.

I don’t want to live in a world where evil runs rampant.

I don’t want this world. Good God, I don’t want this world.

And that’s where I’ve been all week. I’ve wrestled with the realization that I’m in this world and still have to figure out my way around it. I’ve wanted to touch on Trayvon’s case but honestly, I’d approach it from angle of the travesty of shooting a child and the pain those who love him must feel. I wouldn’t approach it from a place that offered applicable value.

I couldn’t approach it from that place. I have never lived a Trayvon like story.

But, my friend JJ did. And I want you to read it. Before that let me tell you a little about JJ. I have no idea how I came across him on Twitter but he covers Carolina sports and y’all know I love anyone who’s a Tar Heel so I clicked a follow. Plus, I thought he was super cute and enjoyed his avatar popping up on my timeline as much as I enjoyed reading his 140 characters of Carolina goodness.

Then, one day he wrote on my timeline that he really enjoyed my blog. I remember seeing his comment and thinking, “Wow, a dude read my blog?“ Since then we’ve struck up a friendship. I admire his writing and can’t wait to watch his career explode. Good gosh, that man is talented.

I’m sure I annoy the crap out of him because I comment on so much of his work. I’m okay with that though because if my gift is to encourage my friends then dadgummit, I’m gonna encourage my friends. I know it’s sincere and hopefully he and others do too.

The reason I’m sharing my blog space with him tonight is JJ offered applicable value to the Trayvon story. You need to read it. You need to wrestle with it. And you need to apply it.

As always, well done, JJ.

The Unfortunate Satire of Trayvon Martin

The Unfortunate Satire of Trayvon Martin

The Daily Tar Heel ran an editorial cartoon today that has drawn the ire of campus, the Triangle and supporters of Justice for Trayvon Martin across the nation. I’ll get to that cartoon in a moment, but first, a story.

Growing up, I lived in Shelby, N.C., a small city about 40 miles west of Charlotte. I lived with my mom one street over from my grandparents. Since my mom worked 40 hours a week, I would spend a lot of my afternoons after school with my grandparents. Here’s a quick visual of the set up (WARNING: This is really bad but I’m terrible at Paint and InDesign), with my grandparents house on the top street and mine on the bottom.

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When going to and from those houses, I would try to stay off the roads. The residential street on the left is one that has a posted speed limit of 35 MPH, but it’s not uncommon for speeds to get up to 50 on the small road. To the right is Highway 74, the busiest street in all of Shelby. At the time of this story, I was no more than 10 years old.

My mom, the mother of an only child, would admonish me from walking on either the left road or the highway, and instead she wanted me to walk through other folks’ yards. No problem. Going from my grandparents’ house, I would walk parallel to the dangerous residential street and be insulated by the row of houses. Keep to the fence, and when I arrive on my street, just walk to my house.

That was fine and dandy until one day, I was confronted by the owner of the final house I would walk behind. I don’t remember his name, but he was an older (70ish) white man who had several broken down cars and assorted machinery in his carport. I was with my friend, a white, blond-haired blue-eyed guy who, for the sake of brevity, had done things that should have landed him in juvenile detention while I was pretty straight-laced growing up. The elderly man approaches us, but he only talks to me. Apparently some things had gone missing out of his carport. He said he had been watching me cross the past few days but hadn’t seen me take anything, but went on to say that if I ever crossed through his yard, he’d call the police.

So that was that. From then on, I walked down the road my mom thought was unsafe while my grandfather had some words with the guy. But last week when I heard about the Trayvon Martin case, I remembered that tale from the coffers of my memory. If accounts of the confrontation are true, Trayvon had enough of George Zimmerman following him around and eventually confronted him, inquiring why he was being followed when he was walking down the street minding his own business. Had I been 17 years old when my confrontation occurred, I wouldn’t have acted like a scared pre-teen. I would have been confrontational. Who knows what would have come from it — I’m not at all trying to make myself out to be a potential Trayvon Martin, because that would be obtuse and insensitive — but it certainly made me think.

***

As for this cartoon, let me first say I’m glad DTH Editor in Chief Steven Norton is sticking to his guns. In his response letter, he shows how much thought was put into the decision to run the editional cartoon. He responds to the points raised by the overwhelming majority of people on why the cartoon shouldn’t have ran. But it is not for those reasons I feel the cartoon was not the right one to run.

I joined the masses in outrage over the cartoon at about 10 a.m. today. Folks were saying the cartoon shouldn’t have shown the dead body. Others said it was a subject that should not be broached. I disagree with both arguments. I find that showing the image of a slain 17-year old is a powerful, graphic message to those who may still side with the Zimmerman camp. Likewise, not broaching the topic only makes more people unaware of what happened in Sanford, Florida. You wouldn’t believe how many people on the UNC campus don’t actually know the basic facts of the case.

The cartoon (which it should be pointed out was not done by a DTH cartoonist but rather one from a wire service) attempts to depict the absurdity behind the killing. The text reads: “This wasn’t about race. I shot because I felt threatened… Skittles are full of high fructose corn syrup.” The cartoon isn’t supposed to be funny. And yes, I agree, it’s completely absurd to shoot someone because they feel threatened by a bag of Skittles, no doubt.

But what’s even more absurd is to shoot someone because that person feels threatened by a young, black male walking down the street with a hood on. It’s bigger than Skittles, or an Arizona iced tea or really any other facts of the case that aren’t germane to the topic. That is never mentioned in the cartoon, but it’s the biggest issue facing America right now.

Folks like Geraldo Rivers are going on national television to tell parents of black children to stop letting their kids wear hoodies. Black kids across the nation are being told to not look so suspicious. But who is telling the George Zimmermans of the country to stop being George Zimmerman? Who is out there pointing out the ridiculousness of a grown-ass man feeling that his community is being threatened by a skinny black kid with a hood on talking on a cell phone? (By the way, Bomani Jones wrote an excellent post on similar points in this blog.)

I wish the cartoon would have depicted that absurdity. Instead, the cartoonist went the route of Skittles, which effectively trivializes (or ignores, however you want to look at it) the important issue of the entire ordeal. It’s as simple as this: You don’t need a Skittles metaphor to show how senseless the killing is when you can actually show, WITH FACTS, how senseless the killing is.

The quote bubble says it wasn’t about race before getting into the joke. I completely get it was a joke, but it was about race. And if the cartoon ignores that, if people ignore that, then the lessons from this unfortunate Trayvon Martin situation never reach so many. If American pundits satirize this situation with candy metaphors and ignore the racial aspect that’s so prevalent, more people will continue telling black parents what to do with their kids instead of telling white (and half-white, half-Hispanic) adults what not to be afraid of.

No one is afraid of Skittles. Plenty of people are afraid of black people with hoods. Don’t patronize that simple, unfortunate fact. Instead, attempt to change that irrational fear that far too many people have. Don’t accost the dark-skinned boy for crossing your yard to get to his house. Don’t act like you need a candy metaphor to make your case. Most importantly, don’t go hunt down a kid walking to his dad’s fiance’s house minding his own business. Talk about race, and direct that talk to the George Zimmermans. Until you do, it’s still about candy to them. 

 
 

What I Didn’t Know: God Had Me Covered March 29, 2012

Filed under: Ministry — Arden @ 1:10 pm

It’s been a week. I’ve desperately wanted to write a follow-up to Walls Up. Fear High. Less Than Stellar Me because within 24 hours of writing it God affirmed me with an out of the ordinary sermon called Code Orange Revival: Remix. Every point in it affirmed me in my quest to break down walls in an effort to do life with God.

So, my plan was to write out the points of the sermon so you could do the same thing if you so desired.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:8

I honestly have not had the time nor the brain power to write that particular post. And, God keeps teaching me that everything I’m seeing and learning isn’t meant for public consumption. As I continue to venture into a world of writing it’s critical that I keep some things between God and me, or a friend and me. My thinking is The Remix affirmation was for me to noodle privately. (But, feel free to watch the sermon! It’s quite good.)

But, I wouldn’t be writing this morning when I need to be answering e-mails if I didn’t have something I wanted to desperately share with you too. 

I wrote Walls Up Saturday morning. I had a full day of errands but negated most of them when a friend called wanting to hang on my porch and chitty chat. As we sat on my porch we watched a storm roll in and roll out. We watched the sun burst back through the sky and the grass glow with a dewy green.

And, like we do any time we’re together we shared recent life happenings and wondered aloud what God could be teaching  us through our lives. She’s a dear friend of mine who’s teaching me to be vulnerable with people again by taking a leap of faith; a leap involving going deeper with what I share and be tougher with how I receive responses from what I share.

While we sat on my porch I shared with her a really vulnerable spot for me in my fear of jumping into what God has planned next for me because I simply don’t know what’s next. I do know it will be rewarding but it may cause sacrifice. I haven’t been given a word from the Lord. I’m simply trying to listen intently to the Spirit’s guiding (which is sorta silent besides “we’re gonna move!”-yikes).

We continued our chatting and watching the rain. No life changing decisions were reached that evening. I went to bed feeling blessed for dear friendships and peaceful in my decision to break down walls to let God fully penetrate me.

What we didn’t know was during our time together God had us covered in His promise. Literally.

The thunderstorm we watched blow in and blow out yielded a breathtaking rainbow over my city. Monday morning when I started to see it all over social media I almost did a toe touch! My God, in His infinite love for His children (including this train wreck of a daughter), sent one of the biggest promises I’ve ever seen at the exact moment I was verbalizing my desires for Him.

 

 

 

Allow Him to affirm you today in His promises to you. If you allow Him, He’ll cover you with a love more beautiful than anything you’ve ever seen. He’ll send you your rainbow.

Visit here to learn more about the photograph.

 
 

Three Little Words March 27, 2012

Filed under: Musing — Arden @ 3:06 am

Expectation ruins relationship.

I read those words weeks ago. I put them into one of my many “to be completed” blog posts. Tonight I realize how much truth lies within these three simple words. And I’m being crushed under the weight of them.

I expect too much from people mostly because I expect so much from myself. I wear myself thin encouraging others and being a support system to people who may or may not need my support. I want people I care about to be happy. In my pursuit of their happiness I often forgo seeking my own desires. But, I assume since I’m pouring into others they will subsequently pour into me.

If I make a point to read something you wrote and tell you I like it, I expect that you will do the same for me.

If I text you to ask how your day is, I expect you will do the same for me.

If I watch you do something you enjoy, I expect you will do the same for me.

As I read those statements I know I sound selfish. I’m not pursuing friendships with people to build my own ego. I find such joy in encouraging my friends. I truly do. There are just days when I really wish I could get some of the same encouragement in return. And when I don’t, I start to build my walls in an effort to not get hurt.

Expectation ruins relationship.

As I’ve started to pay attention to how people interact with me, I’ve seen many of them don’t necessarily need or want my constant encouragement. If they don’t know me well they may even think it’s totally insincere. What I’ve noticed is that some people offer back to me what they need from me.

Maybe it’s a random phone call to talk about a great business opportunity that unfolded after weeks of work.

Maybe it’s giving space when I’m clearly neurotic. 

Maybe it’s pouring out a terrible situation and requesting I simply listen.

Expectation ruins relationship. 

And, give me a minute to be semi-stereotypical and totally politically incorrect… As much as I want to treat men I’m digging like my gal pals, it never works out well for me. I am such a social creature. I’m an absolute extrovert. I gain energy and life from being in communication with other people. But, I’m typically into men who are a bit more subtle with their communication and are even more strong-willed than me.  Yet… I expect them to magically mold into my life and my way of doing things.

My way means texting/calling me on a regular basis.

My way means dropping everything for a minute of time with me.

My way almost means basically becoming a semi-pansy who’s at my beck and call.

Expectation ruins relationship.

The more I pay attention to my expectations, the more I see that many of them are sort of selfish. Would I like to have life roll more my way so things would be easier: YES. Is that going to happen: NO.  But, the more I do life with people who aren’t like me, the more I grow into a better person. In fact, my relationships become deeper and my character becomes fuller.

The minute I stop expecting a certain outcome is the minute I’m blown away by the coolness of those around me.

When I start to give my best to others around me and expect nothing in return the better life becomes. I get to live in the fullness of relationship with others and allow others to be who they are.

Expectation may ruin relationship. But giving yourself and receiving others redeems relationship.

 
 

Make Up Monday: Prime Those Lashes March 26, 2012

Filed under: Make Up — Arden @ 12:44 am

Ladies, how much do you love mascara? But, does yours stay on your lashes or find its way under your eyes by midday? From my experience, unless you’re using some kind of lash primer you’re not getting the maximum benefit. One of my favorite products I’ve found and used for years is Estee Lauder’s Lash Primer Plus.

From the Website: Maximizes your lash look by doubling lash volume while also curling and setting lashes. It boosts the special effects of mascara and extends its wear. Acts like a magnet to attract and hold mascara, so less is needed. Stays in place, providing the perfect beginning for magnificent lashes. Conditions to help prevent breakage. For best results, apply one coat of Lash Primer Plus, then immediately apply your mascara while the primer is still wet.

From this gal: Lash Primer Plus feels like conditioner for my eye lashes. They are hair after all and they need conditioner too! The primer is white which also makes it easier for me to ensure I’m getting lots of mascara on my eyelashes too. Priming my lashes is a critical step to making my green eyes pop!

Estee Lauder’s Lash Primer Plus will cost you approximately $20 at most major department stores including Belk, Dillards, and Macy’s. It should last you about 3-4 months.

Prime those lashes and give yourself an extra flirty look today!

 
 

Walls Up. Fear High. A Less Than Stellar Me. March 24, 2012

Filed under: Ministry — Arden @ 4:28 pm

The unassailable fortifications of your walls He will bring down, lay low and cast to the ground, even to the dust. Isaiah 25:12

January 1, 2012, I walked to Starbucks on the Upper West Side of Manhattan and softly sand a dedication over my year:

If Your presence goes I don’t want to stay
If Your presence stays I don’t want to go
I need You 
(Shane & Shane – Without You)

Last night, March 23, 2012, I tossed and turned all night. I thought it was from the absolutely absurd evening I’d had. It was a fun night, but it felt wrong. I went to bed angry at someone I care about, I was concerned for someone else, and frankly, my bed wasn’t all that cozy either. I’m sure I got about 5 minutes of good sleep.

When I crawled out of bed today I was still noodling the night before and wondering why I couldn’t let the random fun of it be enough to bring me a little joy. It’s a crazy story that few get to live.

And all I could think was, I’m not sure God was in that moment with me. I’m not sure He’s been in many moments with me lately. I’m not sure the last time I walked into a moment with Him or sought Him in anything. I’ve been try to live for Him without doing life with Him. 

So, I did something I haven’t done in a while. I started writing to God. I began a free flow exercise that led to an interesting result: I’ve put up a wall between God and me because I’m fearful of His next steps for me. I’m afraid of a God who delights in me, a God who heals me, and a God who provides small joys on a regular basis. There’s something about the next unknown steps He has for me causing me to slowly build a wall around myself.

Building walls is nothing new to me. I inadvertently build walls up in attempts to keep most men out. These walls sometimes come in the form of coldness while others come in the form of too warm. I work hard to keep it in check but when I’m feeling vulnerable or insecure I’ll build a wall to keep out the potential pain.

But why would I do that with God? Why would I build a fortress to keep Him out of me? 

I go back to my fear of His next steps for me. My intuition tells me they are big and I need to be prepared. And His presence beckons me. He’ll even break down my wall. It’s time I start walk with Him again.

Lord, Your Word says in Isaiah that You will establish peace for us, since you have performed for us all our works. LORD, you are my God, other masters have ruled me but through you alone I confess your name (26:12-13). Your name, even Your memory is the desire of my soul. At night my soul longs for you. Indeed, my spirit within me seeks You diligently. (26:8-9a) Break down my walls and bring me into your glorious presence. I choose to walk the next steps of my journey with you. Amen and Amen.

 

 
 

Pass Fir5t: Lipstick’s Thoughts March 22, 2012

Filed under: Musing — Arden @ 7:11 pm

There should never be a doubt in your mind that I love the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Take me to dinner and I’ll tell you my testimony of surviving the Freshman 15 and Rush Weeks, growing in faith with Fellowship of Christian Athletes, and spending more time at sporting events that weren’t called football or basketball games than most students ever knew possible.

Spring for dessert and I’ll share with you my special bond with my brother that happened on the campus; how my sibling became my other half and I will always credit our time in college together for that bond.

I’ve been known as the #1 Carolina fan by The Charlotte Observer. My name and picture have been on the front page of the Observer above the mast-head more than any non-famous person should ever experience because I may know how to work a reporter to my favor.

But, the current phenomena sweeping Tar Heel nation has me stumped. It’s called Pass Fir5t and from its Twitter profile it’s deemed a group of UNC fans who support Kendall Marshall and the basketball team. Marshall hurt his right wrist during a basketball game Sunday, March 18, had surgery on said wrist the next day, and now fans anxiously await his ability to play any more games this season.

I could spend all day speculating as to what sparked the creation of Pass Fir5t. I have no idea. I’m not sure I really care what sparked it. I’m more interested in what’s happening because of it.

Today, I read two tweets which caused me to pause and truly start to think on this new trend.

The first from Kendall Marshall#PassFir5t isn’t about me. it’s an idea to put others before yourself. Embody the PassFir5t attitude and help someone today.

The second was from Jonathan Jones (JJ): Did @aptaube know the feedback he’d receive after penning these thoughts on the #PassFir5t campaign? http://themarthajefferson.blogspot.com/2012/03/why-passfir5t-makes-me-uncomfortable.html

I think JJ tweets good information. Plus, again, I’m curious about Pass Fir5t. So, I read the blog post. Several times.

My first take on it was the writer, Aaron Taube, needed to get off his high horse and realize not everyone’s first jump from “Kendall’s hurt” was to “dang it, now we’ll never win that title”. It wasn’t mine. I’m not saying I’m some rock star of compassion but when I learned about it I thought…

“Dang. That poor kid. He’s worked his tail off  this season. Now it’s done right when things were getting good.”  (I’m also the gal who switches the channel when camera men show the guys upset for losing the game. I don’t wanna see the sad!)

I decided I was going to write a Lipstick response to Cynical Aaron and let him know that not everyone’s about the banner.

Then, I read his post again. Slower. With more of an open mind.

And he makes some valid points and his conclusion resonated with me because it’s pretty much my thought too.

While it’s nice to think we can move mountains by banding together and focusing our psychic energies on our beloved point guard’s wrist, it would be even nicer to think we might choose a better cause if we actually did have that power. If you want to send a Marshall a tweet letting him know you like watching him play and hope he feels better soon, that’s fine, but save the “movement” for something important — Trayvon, Syria, poverty. Then you really would be looking to “Pass Fir5t.”

Here’s what I’m noticing more and more about social movements. They don’t last long enough to make any kind of difference. Two weeks ago it was Kony 2012. This week it’s Pass Fir5t. In two weeks something else will sweep the social networks. We’re allowing the latest trend to dictate our hearts and attitudes. We’re having short-term relationships with the hottest man in town and then moving on to the next before we’ve even relished our first kiss. 

We’re turning into a generation with no backbone or heart. And we need to find a focus.

Honestly, I don’t care on what you focus; pick something. I believe our greatest joys are found in our giving and serving. Your local church, school, library, homeless shelter, or any other organization needs your heart and your hands. Dang, they need your money too.

If your only active engagement in your community is painting a 5 on your wrist and taking a picture in hopes you’ll get noticed by the Twitter world then you’re missing out on a lot of joy. Instead of, or heck in addition to, painting a 5 on your wrist how about finding a local afterschool program that serves at-risk children. Paint a 5 on them while helping them with their homework.

That’s a Pass Fir5t worth tweeting.

Disclaimer: Heck yeah I want to win the National Title this year. I want to win it every year. I. Love. Winning. However, I’m trying to live a winning life too. I want others to see Christ in me. If that means giving up a banner so that you’ll see me graciously lose, I’ll do it. God’s Kingdom is the one I want to win.

A Twitter update since I posted and I love it: @passfir5t - We all know Kendall lives #PassFir5t but do you? Here’s your chance. Go to http://www.PassFir5t.com and make a difference.

 
 

God Delights in You and Me March 20, 2012

Filed under: Ministry — Arden @ 12:45 pm

Spring arrived last night and my cat couldn’t be happier. As I sit with my patio door open, I watch a bright red cardinal nibble on the bird seed I’ve left for him and his friends. Though I’m glad the birdies get to eat, I take much more joy in knowing Skippyjon Jones (my cat) can be entertained endlessly by watching the birds flutter around the porch.

I delight in my cat. I’m merely a human with an affinity for animals.
How much more delight does God have for me, His child?

I’m finishing up One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voscamp and relishing the journey she’s allowed me to take with her. It’s fitting that I walk into a more gracious way of living just as the Carolinas begin to spring forth with new life.

This very morning Ann reminded me God delights in me.

I’m chosen by God, chosen for a high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy person. (1 Peter 2:9).

He delights in me. In His love he doesn’t rebuke me, but rejoices over me with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)

I’m precious in His sight. I’m honored and loved by Him. (Isaiah 43:4)

The God of the universe who causes winds to stir, hearts to beat, and flowers to bloom not only thinks about me but actually takes pleasure in me! Me. A woman lacking in trust. A woman infused with negative thoughts. A woman constantly begging for forgiveness over major and minor transgressions. Me. A sinner.

God has chosen me for work. He delights in me. I’m precious to Him.
Wow. Color me humble.

And you know, He delights in you too. He chose you to be His child. I’ll tell you how I know this to be true…

I wanted an animal to keep me company. Cats are 5,195 times easier to care for than dogs because cats require a litter box and 2 hours of affection every day. Dogs require me to take them outside for potty breaks and 22 hours of affection every day. I’m a Humane Society gal so I started looking at local shelters for the perfect kitteh for me.

I was in the cat room in the Mooresville Humane Society when a volunteer brought in Skippy. I was surrounded by 4-5 funny, silly, active cats when I saw this mammoth creature put into his kennel. I walked over and let him out. He slothly hopped to the ground. I picked him up and he laid his head on my shoulder.

I dug him. Then I heard his story. He was a few days from being put down at the animal shelter when a volunteer took him to the no-kill shelter in Mooresville. He was covered in fleas and an all-around mess. The kinds folks with the Humane Society cleaned him up and put him up for adoption.

Days from death and covered in fleas.
Lays his head on my shoulder as soon as I pick him up.
I. Want. Him.

I chose Skippy. He is  mine. He’s goofy and finicky. He’s a cat. I delight in him every moment of every day.

I’m only human and I delight in him every moment of every day.

God chose you and me out of our death row’s walk. We’ve been covered in fleas; desperate for just a little love. He cleaned us and made a new home for us.

Yet, we often think we’re not good enough. That we’ve got to DO something more, GO harder, PUSH further to experience what God gives us. We don’t. We simply need to BE in Him. Be still and know that He is Lord (Psalm 46:10).

He’ll show you if you just watch. Just as I put up a bird feeder so Skippy can watch birds, God sends  joys to remind us of His delight in us.

 
 

Let’s Get Personal, Kids: Pain Needs to Be Healed March 15, 2012

Filed under: Ministry — Arden @ 1:38 pm

The 17-year-old sat limply in the white Blazer, her legs hanging off the passenger side seat with the door open… wanting to run but where would she run?  He was yelling again. They were in the middle of an Outback Steakhouse parking lot. She cowered and cried. He continued to loudly cuss and belittle her. People walked by and looked, but no one stopped to help.

She spent her formidable teenage years being abused. He never hit her though he was close a few times. She silently begged that he would. If he’d hit her, she’s leave. No apology. No tears. Nothing would stop her if he’d just hit her.

No one helps when there’s no physical sign you’ve been hurt. No one knows to help when you’re a professional at burying your feelings and constantly putting on the happy face.

A pretty girl from a good Christian family isn’t abused. The head cheerleader, editor of the newspaper, and all-around sweetheart will surely show signs of mistreating. Surely.

I never did. I spent two years hiding the abuse until one day I’d had enough of the ill treatment and ended the relationship. I wavered a bit and he swore he’d changed. I never went back to him. Good thing too… in the multiple times I ran into over the years on the Carolina campus he had never changed. He still looked at me as if I was scum beneath his feet.

Though I only spent 2 years in that relationship, I spent a lot more years trying to get over the feelings of insecurities he pounded into me. I struggled with an eating disorder for years. I walked in and out of relationships with walls so high no man could actually get to the me.

And one day I just said enough. Why would I allow a few years to dictate a life time of my  happiness. If I believe God can wash my sins away then why in the world can’t He wipe away a few years of pain? So, I spent time in counseling. I spent time in prayer.  And, I readied myself for a new day where I was whole.

Have you had anything happen to you that shifted the course of your life? You did nothing to warrant the shift, yet it happened to you anyway?

  • Were you  molested?
  • Were you raped?
  • Were you in a tragic accident?
  • Were your parents abusive?
  • Were they absent?

Have you dealt with it? Or, are you still allowing the demons of these actions to strip you of abundant joy?

It’s hard to truly address the massiveness of tragedy in a simple blog posting. We each have the fall out from the thing. Like I said, mine was starving myself and putting up walls in relationships. I lacked the ability to be intimate with anyone because the first person I loved outside of my family told me I was useless.

For a long time no one got my heart because he had ruined it.

But, Jesus healed it. Now it’s a heart ready, willing, and able to love right.

Do you need healing today? Lay your thing down before the throne. You can never undo what happened to you. I could have seen signs and walked away from him. I could have told anyone and gotten help. I didn’t. Shoulda. Coulda. Woulda.

But, the Lord can ease your pain. He can heal your heart. He wants you to live in His full and real abundance. If a past hurt is keeping you from any present joy you’re not living in the full.

And know God puts truly wise counselors in our paths as well. Seek professional help. Yes, only Jesus can truly heal you but He can and will work through people to help you get there.

Don’t live years in defeat because evil got some of you. Live in abundance because Jesus defeated evil long ago.

DISCLAIMER: I didn’t write this post for anyone to feel sorry for me. God works all things to His glory. Though I still cringe for my high school self I’m done with allowing anything but God’s voice to say who I am. Well, I try my best to make sure His voice says who I am! I tell it because I know many people are hurting. They’re burying the thing in an attempt to maintain appearances. But, God sees your heart and knows your hurt. He also knows when you have released into His fully loving arms. If the Holy Spirit nudges… I beg you, answer.

 
 

You Shall Serve No Others Gods: In Which Twitter Became Too Important March 14, 2012

Filed under: Musing — Arden @ 3:20 pm

The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues. Proverbs 17:27-28

I’m a bit dramatic. I tend to make mountains of mole hills. I try to keep it in check but sometimes I let certain areas of my life start controlling me instead of me controlling them. Unfortunately, I’ve gotten a little overzealous in my social media usage lately. I came to a head this past weekend.

STRIKE ONE – I’ve gotten so addicted to watching my Twitter feed during basketball games that I’m starting to actually miss the games. I’m so busy watching what other people say that I’ve stopped experiencing the games myself .

STRIKE TWO – When I went back through my personal feed after watching my Tar Heels play N.C. State I was repulsed by me All I thought was I had become yet another snotty Carolina fan. Shame ran through my veins as I quickly deleted most of what I said.

STRIKE THREE – Lastly, in my overzealous tweet fest, I hit up friends trying to do their jobs in covering the game wanting individual questions answered that really didn’t matter if I just watched the game unfolding. Dude’s gotta cover the game, get a story written quickly, and be accurate in his accounts and my selfish self wants to know how many points Harrison Barnes had scored.

And, with that, kids… I’m O.U.T.

It’s time I take a step back from how involved I am with social media. I’d been struggling with how negative I tended to sound on it (venting in 140 characters isn’t terribly hard for me). So, I kept trying to put positive things out but seemed to mix a “Praise God for this day” with a “GOOD GRIEF WHY ARE PEOPLE SO STUPID?!?”. I’d venture to say one speaks louder than the other and both scream “Pay attention to me!”

I’ve used no restraint.
I haven’t been even-tempered.
And goodness, I look like a fool.
I’m a Proverbs writer’s work nightmare. 

I appreciate social media when used correctly. I will continue to post blogs on both Facebook and Twitter. I may post a picture or two. But, living my life out loud on a timeline needs to stop.

It’s one thing to look like a fool for a few days. I can handle that because seriously, we all look foolish at some point at time. What makes my heart mourn is that I’ve allowed social media to become a god to me. I’m not bowing down to it, but it’s dictating more of my time than it should. And anything that dictates more of my time than my Lord is my god.

Gross! Frustrating! Shameful.

Have you ever had a moment like mine; a moment when you realize you’ve allowed anything to become more important than God? Did your heart mourn as my does now?

What you do with that mourning, in my opinion, is critical to the next steps in your daily walk with the Lord.

I know I can’t totally stay off social media in the world in which I live. But, I can limit the number of times I check it and write on it. I can actually listen when the Holy Spirit shouts my 140 characters don’t need to be shared. I can watch life unfold before me instead of reading about it on a timeline.

Basically, I can be intentional with how I use this particular tool.

I woke up Sunday morning with a prayer of dedication that I would be intentional with social media. I don’t want to be obnoxious, but more importantly, I don’t want anything stifling my walk with and ministry to the Lord.

I encourage you to search for anything that may be stifling your relationship. Address it and move  on in a more intentional walk today. Intention in the Lord always yields blessings.