Lipstick Makes Everything Better

A Little Extra Lipstick… Why I Talk Dating May 30, 2012

I get lots of responses from my single readers about how they can sooooo relate to me when I talk about my dates and my hope to find my maaaaaaaaaaan. However, I fear several things if you only read my posts and only seeing a single gal traipsing her way through the city doing her best Carrie Bradshaw impersonation:

1. I fear you’re hot and looking for a lady but think I’m desperate. I’m not. I’m just… Well, I’m terrible at understanding men. In other words… if you’re hot and patient you’re barking up the right tree!

2. I fear you’re happily in a relationship and can’t relate directly to me so you tune out on me. Please don’t! My ridiculous dating stories always go somewhere deeper.

3. I fear you’re glad I’m walking this path and you aren’t; for whatever reason. Yikes! Get on the path to relationship. We’re made to be in community with each other. God saw it wasn’t good for man to be alone. (Genesis 2:18)

Here’s why I often write about relationships: Though I cover my theme with lovely Lipstick, more than anything in life I want you to be in a relationship with the Lord. I want you to know Him. Love Him. Adore Him. Be fully aware of all He is. And one of the best illustrations I’ve seen thus far for getting you invested is to show you my quest for relationship with my maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.

So, if you’ll read along to one of my (sometimes embellished and sometimes not) stories and then come to a place where you see the Lord, praise be to Him for using my ability to see a funny story in a ridiculous situation to lead you to Christ. And if you look fabulous doing it… Ladies and Lassies, I think all the Heavens will rejoice!

Expectation. Experience. Frustration. And Jesus. May 29, 2012

I keep a handful of folks around who are at least 10 years older than me and doing life like I’d like to be doing life. They talk with me about the steps they took and encourage me along the way.

One of my favorites in my eclectic crew heads community relations for a regional organization. He’s great in so many ways. But it was his ability to nail my personality in a of matter minutes, and wasn’t AT ALL afraid to share his assessment, that instantly drew me to him.

He called me tenacious. Then, he asked if I had a man. When I said, “nope”, he was surprised. Then, not so surprised. He said a phrase he repeats any time he describes me, “A man better have his belt buckled tight when he comes knocking on your door. If he’s not acting right, you’re gonna call him on it. And if he is acting right, you’re going compliment him. Either way, accepting an opinionated woman takes security; a security most men don’t have.”

And once he pointed out that fact I realized my sassiest does cause some friction. I try to temper it, but sometimes it comes out full force!

For instance, if the only time you text me is after you’ve been drinking and the text isn’t of the most Christlike nature and I fully believe you’re better than how you’re acting, I’ll let you know. I won’t be mean. But I will suggest you go back to when we first met and when you tried to engage me as a woman; not a 1-900 number.

See? Sassy.

But there are sometimes when I need to recognize it’s not my sass anymore.
If someone’s only reaching out after one too many at the local pub, he’s not that into me.

Yet it’s my tenacious spirit to hold onto who I expect him to be versus
who I’m experiencing him to be that leads to my frustration.

Let me say it the way Pastor Steven Furtick said it two weeks ago–
Frustration is the gap between expectation and experience.

In my tenacity to get the most out of people, I often get frustrated. There’s usually more to a story than I’m experiencing. I can only see what’s before me. I’m guessing you’re the same way…

• You only see no one returning your text message when you desperately need to be acknowledged.
• You only see you wanted children by this time in your life but each month brings another barren womb.
• You only see savings that was to get you through the next 10 years of your life evaporated because cancer struck.

No matter where we are in our lives we seem to expect more than we’re experiencing. This weekend I felt lonelier than I have in a long time though I was surrounded by people I love more than anything. For some reason it hit me that I’m no where closer to being in a loving, committed relationship today than I was a year ago today.

There may be some reasons for said perpetual singleness which may come out in a future blog, but the bottom line in my limited point-of-view is this — For the last year, every man who’s said he wants to see me and I agree that I’d like to hang out with him too, suddenly disappears. He’ll say, “let’s get together next weekend,” and then… Nothing.

So many things can explain what happened in the … but, unfortunately, I can allow Satan to take hold of that rejection if I’m not careful. He can twist it into something it’s absolutely not. I can easily get tangled up in frustration because I’m hurt, embarrassed, annoyed, or any other pitiful feeling.

Yes, a few weeks ago Pastor Furtick suggested, “Frustration is the gap between expectation and experience.“ But, he didn’t leave it there. He gave the thousands of people who heard the sermon a remedy to the frustration that Satan can use to suck the joy out of our lives.

Pastor completed his statement with–
Let Jesus fill that gap.

No. I don’t like being treated like a 1-900 call girl. But, I don’t think the guy intended that I feel that way either. I’m guessing he thought he was being cute. I just expect more from him so I didn’t think it was cute.

And, you didn’t expect to be 25 and friendless. Or 40 and childless. Or, 65 and working two jobs to keep your house.

Even though what you expect doesn’t meet what you’re experiencing NEVER  allow Satan to interfere with what Jesus will do for you.

He covers the gap of our frustration with his hands as big as coffee tables; each showing the scar of a nail hole. We weren’t what He expected either. But goodness, He loves us anyway.

Communication Gaps… Yeah, I’m a Pro at the Gap Part May 27, 2012

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. Ephesians 6:18

If I dig you and we aren’t  meshing in the communication realm, I’m gonna try to straighten out our situation. Sometimes I know I’m the problem…

I’m not working hard enough to understand your viewpoint or I’m just being selfish and don’t want to understand from where you are coming.

Other times, it’s the other person. If you know me at all, you know I don’t respond well to one word text messages; or honestly one word anything. There are so many words! Use them!

I also don’t respond AT ALL to harsh tones. I will shut you out before counting to ten if you speak ugly to me.

But, either way, if I want to be in relationship with you, I’ll work to find a common ground. I’ll give a little and won’t require a soliloquy when a sentence will do and you give a little and don’t text me random one-word messages that make no sense.

I’d rather know how to speak your language
then lose my relationship with you.

If I, being a completely totally absolutely stubborn woman who, in the flesh, wants her way or the highway, know how to be in viable relationship,
how much more does our perfect omnipotent glorious God in Heaven
know how to be in relationship with us?

I’ve been wrestling with my communicative relationship with the Lord lately; what it means and how it affects me and those around me. My gal pals and I are about to embark on a book recommended by my pseudo-mother-in-law (really, she’s my brother’s mother-in-law, but since I consider her family I’ll just go with PMIL).

The book we’ll be reading together is A Praying Life by Paul Miller. PMIL says it’s one of the most real books on prayer she’s ever read. It cuts to the chase of what our prayer life can be for us if we try.

Gosh, I hope that’s the case. Do you ever feel like you’re talking to air when you pray? You know God hears the cries of those who love Him, but what does it mean to pray in the Spirit as Ephesians 6:18 suggests? If God already knows the desires of my heart and that I want His will, why bother praying?

And honestly, a big fear of mine is: If I have a hard time communicating to people on Earth, how in the world do I expect G-O-D to hear me?

But, I go back to my original hope: If I’m willing to shift my communication style to be in better community with those in my Earthly relationships, I’m more than willing to shift my style to fit what my God wants from me. I’m sure He’ll honor my heart as He knows it’s trying its darndest to honor Him.

And, He’ll do the same for you. He loves you. Yes, Jesus loves you.

Grace in the Moment May 25, 2012

What should have been a pretty easy day turned into quite the bear. For starters, I was in lock down in my apartment complex because the Vice President of the United States of America was going to drive by it. (Let’s be honest. That was super cool. The first time.) But, the lock down in traffic led me to being 30 minutes late for my lunch meeting.

My lunch meeting was great and I eagerly got into my car to follow-up on my ACTION (yes, I write my action items in all caps) points immediately. I’m not the procrastinater. I get stuff done. As I drove into Uptown Charlotte I was yet again caught in VP of the USA lock down. Apparently, he’s got the hots for me or something because dang, I couldn’t escape him today.

I ended my day at a County Commissioner public hearing. Though I’m a huge advocate of democracy I’m uber-bored by the day-to-day activities of politics. Spending a Thursday evening waiting in Chambers was just about as great as spending a Thursday afternoon stuck in traffic.

So, when my dear friend Meka told me her evening plans were cancelled but she still wanted to grab dinner I was pumped! I love Meka. I also love having something to get me through a long day. I had hit the jackpot.

The crazy thing is, Meka and I ended up inadvertently ministering to a man sitting next to us. We just didn’t know it until he got up to leave for his flight out of Charlotte.

He sat beside Meka and me in the bar area. When I saw his order I knew he was in town on business and just wanted a good meal without having to succumb to a lonely table for one. I travel enough to know that feeling. The one where it’s Don’t put me at a table because then I’ll surely have no human interaction. I’m happy to talk to anyone who doesn’t look sleazy around me and/or the bartender.

If you’ve ever had to do multiple meals by yourself you’ve done the same thing.

Anyway, he struck up a conversation with Meka and me. We shared some simple life together. As he left, after finding out Meka and I are in Bible study together, he asked us to pray for him. And he almost teared up. We assured him we would and that next time he was in town that we’d love to hang with him again; to check in and pray for him.

The deal with the man tonight has been my  lesson of the week. Several folks I really esteem have fallen on some less than stellar times. Regardless, I still think they are great people who are trying their best to do life in a positive way.

Living life with others means we live life with grace. It was grace that set you and I free when Jesus died on that cross. And, honestly, it’s grace that sets me free every day.

The people I love the most are the ones who radiate grace with others. They don’t judge. They don’t condemn. They get that we’re all fallible humans. Yes, I want to live life for the Lord but dang it, I mess up more than I get it right. I pray daily that others will show grace to me.

All I want to do is live a life full of grace for those around me. I’m not the judge nor the jury. I encourage you to remember you aren’t either.

We’ll all get a lot further in life by showing grace than by showing judgement. I learned that  lesson while enjoying time with a girlfriend tonight. Take my lesson and use it this weekend.

Random Facts About Me You May or May Not Want to Know May 23, 2012

My last few weeks of post have been pretty heavy. The heaviness wasn’t intentional nor was my life necessarily heavy. Regardless, I thought I’d take a little time to lighten up Lipstick and share some of my quirks with you. Maybe it’ll help you get to know me a little more and make my writing that much more relatable to you. I do love our virtual relationship, my dear readers. You allow Lipstick flourish!

My Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan: One of my friends asked me yesterday if I only thought about one thing; men. You see, I was mid sentence with her and, without missing a beat, sent out a silent cat call with my eyes to  handsome thang walking into our abs class at the Y.

And, per my usual response to a hot man entering a room, I said some kind of off-the-wall comment. It’s wasn’t really vulgar… more Joey Tribbiani “How you doin’” style.

The deal with men and me is pretty simple – I love them! Not in a naughty, get-around-gal kinda way. More in a goodness-I-admire-Your-work-on-that-one kinda way. But, I also know which friends will freak out when I make my comments and which won’t. So, I tend to go overboard to get a rise out of a gal pal more than I’m actually interested in the eye candy of the moment.

I wrote a while back about what kind of dude I do dig and I’ve realized I can describe him in one adjective: swagger. I admit I’m a sassy, opinionated gal who’s constantly on the move. The man who catches my eye can keep up and has the self-confidence to show it. He’s not a jerk; he’s just a little cocky. And that’s cool.

Music to My Ears: Though I’m not a gal who seeks out the next hot band, I love music. Nothing makes me happier than throwing on a tune in my car, opening my sunroof, and singing to the top of my lungs. I’m nowhere near American Idol material but I’m sure I’d be allowed to sing in the local Baptist’s church’s choir on Sunday morning. I know most of the notes…

There is no album that makes me happier than Kenny Chesney’s Be As You Are (Songs From an Old Blue Chair). In fact, I’m listening to the title track, “Old Blue Chair“, as I write this post. I had my own version of an old blue chair and did in fact “let go of a lover who took a piece of my heart” while sitting in that chair one summer (if you too are listening to the song you know to what I’m referring).

You see, I’m a water girl. I’m happier rockin’ my bikini and flip-flops than I am in any other outfit. I think my old Carolina baseball cap serves as the best sunscreen on the market. Put me on a beach, in a boat, or by a pool and you’ll find the best version of me. Everything about the Be As You Are album emulates me. Summer. Love. Dancing. Key lime pie. It’s all in there!

Read It To Me, Again: I’m often asked what I’m reading. I work for a library. I talk about books on TV. I write a column promoting books. You’d think I’d be the most well-read person on the planet and have a taste for books that spans from Faulkner to Grisham to Dr. Seuss. (Fun fact, I loathe 2 out of 3 of those authors.)

I’m actually really careful about what I read. I can’t read mysteries because I’d have nightmares for weeks. I tend to stick to Christian Chick Lit because the secular stuff can get really vulgar and I don’t need worldly temptation flooding my mind. My favorite books usually have a strong female character and I tend to lean toward historical fiction.

When I was introduced to Gwen Bristow’s Celia Garth more than 10 years ago I knew I’d found a winner.

For starters, Celia’s nickname in the books is Sassy Face. Best. Nickname. Ever. Plus, the entire story takes place in Charleston (one of my favorite cities) during the American Revolution (July 4 is one of my favorite holidays). Swamp Fox even makes an appearance. I’m telling you, I’ve read this book at least 5 times and every time I’m swept away into the adventure, romance, and victory of the story.

Target shirt plus Michael Kors pants paired with Marshall’s shoes: I have no shame in shopping all sales all the time. I love them. I’m a total coupon gal. But… I always get designer pants and most often ones by one of my favorite men alive,  Michael Kors. He’s one of the few designers who took the time to figure out gals with booties aren’t always chunky.

He actually makes pants for gals with a booty and hips that also fit our waists and thighs. There’s nothing more frustrating than finding some great pants made for a girl with zero curves. It’s fine if you’re pretty straight up and down. But, I’m not! And I wanna wear slacks to work too!

However, because I pay top dollar for pants I must find ways to keep my budget intact. I often find shirt styles are pretty fluid so I can get away with buyer a cheaper shirt and only getting one season of wear out of it.

I know I shouldn’t have that same mentality with shoes… but I do. Apparently, I should pay top dollar for what goes on my feet.  I really don’t like shoes but I find they are required in most places of businesses. So, I find a pair or two I like at a discount store and go with it.

So, that’s a little about me. What about you? What album makes you happiest? Got a fashion trick you want to share? Feel free to leave one of your quirks in the comment section!

Make Up Monday: Yes, They’re Real May 21, 2012

I know this week’s Make Up Monday is a bit late. But, I wanted to make sure I wrote some kind of wrap up from my Unsocial Experiment before I got back to blogging as usual. Taking time away was nice but don’t you think for a minute I wasn’t trying new make up items and dying to share them with you.

It took me a while to figure out with which product I should come back but I’m telling you, I think you’re going to love what I chose: They’re real! Mascara by Benefit.

As I’ve stated many times I have rather small eyes. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my eyes. They’re this great greenish blue color that I get straight from my Daddy. I love the idea of seeing life through the same eyes as he sees life. But, goodness, I’d love them pop more.

I do a lot to make them pop. And because I’m naturally a dirty blond most of my eyelashes are pretty light too.

Bottom line: I’m always on the search for a better mascara. With one application of They’re real! I knew I’d found a winner.

From the Website: They’re real! lengthens, curls, volumizes, lifts & separates. Our jet black, long-wearing formula won’t smudge or dry out. A specially designed brush reveals lashes you never knew you had! What else you need to know:

• 94% saw dramatic length & volume*
• 90% saw base-to-tip curl*
• 94% saw visible lift*
• 100% saw long-wearing results*
• *Results observed in a consumer panel survey

From this gal: I agree with every inch of the Benefit description of its mascara. I will tell you it’s critical you apply the mascara correctly to maximize the impact of it. Start at the base of your eyelashes and curl the wand up. I coat both sides of my lashes twice. Mine look fuller and longer instantly. Yay!

I did a quick check and found that at Ulta, Amazon, and Sephora They’re real! is $22 for .3 oz (a regular size mascara) vile. Ulta and Amazon also has a mini (.14 oz) available for $10. If you’re unsure if you’re ready for it, give the mini a try!

Curl and pop those eyes, ladies!

See ya back here next week!

The Need to Read: It’s Time for Summer Reading

I’m so excited for summer! In my Need to Read segment on WBTV May 21, 2012, I talked about several books that will be of interest to all ages to read during these warm months. I hope you’ll check these out at your local library or purchase for your personal collection. You’ll love them!

To see the clip please click here.

So what are you reading now?

Let Me Be Your Star (Unsocial Experiment Learning)

Once upon a time there was a little girl who hated dance practice. She loathed the weekly trips to the studio where she had to do leaps across the floor, plié at the bar, and shuffle off to buffalo over and over and over and over again. However, there was no quitting in the middle of the year, especially when a dance recital costume had been purchased. So… the little girl was stuck until the end of year.

When the recital time arrived, this little girl got on stage, did her class dance, and fell. in. love. with that stage.

A wanna-be-star was born.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

In the social media world we can all be stars of our own stage. We set up some kind of platform (sports, ministry, news, opinions). We work hard to get followers. Then, when we get followers, we work hard to keep them.

We work hard to become the star of a virtual world. 

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

Let Me Be Your Star (verse 1)

Fade in on a girl
With a hunger for fame
And a face and a name to remember.
The past fades away
Because as of this day
Norma Jean’s gone,
She’s moving on.

Her smile and your fantasies
Play a duet
That will make you forget
Where you are.
The music starts playing
It’s the beat of her heart saying,
“Let me be your star.”

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

I’ve always wanted to be a star. When I heard Let Me Be Your Star on the NBC show Smash I almost immediately downloaded it. During the first week I was off Twitter and Facebook I couldn’t stop singing it. I felt I was begging the universe to love ME! Affirm ME! Believe in ME! Anything ME so I knew I mattered. Without my constant interactions in the social media realm I had to depend on real people to love, affirm, believe and… Well, that was harder said than done.

And not because I don’t have wonderful people in my life. It’s because I had to essentially say to them, “I’m vulnerable. I need more than I’ve ever said I needed.”

In saying those words I also gave each person in my life the opportunity to reject me.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

Let Me Be Your Star by Katharine McPhee and Megan Hilty (bridge)

I’ll just have to forget the hurt that came before,
Forget what used to be.
The past is on the cutting room floor,
The future is here with me.
Choose me!

Fade up on a star
With it all in her sights:
All the love and the lights
That surround her.
Someday she’ll think twice
Of the dues and the price
She’ll have to pay
But not today

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

None of us likes rejection, but some are better at taking it than others. I’m actually okay in some areas at being told “no”, but when it comes to personal relationships, I fear rejection. No matter how close I can be to someone a part of me still thinks he/she will abandon me at some point.

I’ve been ditched by people. It hurts. It’s bothersome.

But it doesn’t mean I keep a new person out of my life just because an old one hurt me. And it doesn’t mean I turn to false security in a virtual world. It means I take a look at in what I’m putting my security.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

The Reason I Sing by Jimmy Needham (verse 2)

I’m always looking for the limelight
To dim my house and make the stages bright
Compared to You I’m just a night light
Against the blazing sun

I enter rooms and hope they notice me
To fill my social insecurities
I’m asking if there’s any hope for me
Cuz there is room for only one

***** ****** ****** ***** *****

In my 40ish days away from Twitter and Facebook, I really saw a person I could easily become… You know her and probably call her “that girl”. The one who says/does/wears/lives for one thing: attention. Good attention or bad attention it didn’t matter to me. I lost my priorities. In doing so, I started to lose myself.

Let’s be honest I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her. Wait… that’s Julia Roberts in Notting Hill.

Actually… that’s exactly who I was and who I still am. I’ve just switched my focus from asking any random person to show me love to understanding the capacity of God’s love. But, I had to take away some idols along the way.

***** ****** ****** ***** *****

Clear the Stage by Jimmy Needham (verse 1 & 2 plus chorus)

Clear the stage and set the sound and lights ablaze
If that’s the measure you must take to crush the idols
Jerk the pews & all the decorations, too
Until the congregations few, then have revival

Tell your friends that this is where the party ends
Until you’re broken for your sins, you can’t be social
Then seek the Lord & wait for what He has in store
And know that great is your reward so just be hopeful

‘Cause you can sing all you want to
Yes, you can sing all you want to
You can sing all you want to
And still get it wrong;
worship is more than a song
Take a break from all the plans that you have made
And sit at home alone and wait for God to whisper
Beg Him please to open up His mouth and speak
And pray for real upon your knees until they blister

Shine the light on every corner of your life
Until the pride and lust and lies are in the open
Then read the Word and put to test the things you’ve heard
Until your heart and soul are stirred and rocked and broken

***** ****** ****** ****** *****

Here’s the thing I continue to learn: I’m easily distracted. Walking with intention and purpose takes so much effort. It’s work. And it’s often not work that’s instantly rewarded. In a Christian walk, God is the star of the stage. I can either clear it myself or He will clear it. I can either walk in obedience of Him or I can disobey. It’s an either/or situation.

I’m not going to tell you I always choose obedience. There are times when I want what I want when I want it. I want to the star of my story. After all, it’s MY STORY. I don’t want to share it with anyone, not even the Lord who’s writing my story. But, a Believer trying her best to walk in His ways must ultimately bow a knee to His ways.

I can either acknowledge He is Lord and let Him be the star today. Or, I can wait until all Hell breaks loose and then acknowledge that He is, in fact, the Man in charge.

In my 40 days of no Twitter or Facebook I chose Him. And I’ll tell you what… He blessed every inch of those 40 days.

****** ****** ****** ***** *****

So love God, your God; guard well his rules and regulations; obey his commandments for the rest of time. Today it’s very clear that it isn’t your children who are front and center here…. So it’s you who are in charge of keeping the entire commandment that I command you today so that you’ll have the strength to invade and possess the land that you are crossing the river to make your own. Your obedience will give you a long life on the soil that God promised to give your ancestors and their children, a land flowing with milk and honey. (Deuteronomy 11 :1-2, 8-9)

Messaging Overload. It’s a Balance, Kids May 18, 2012

I have zero game. None. True story: My mom asked some of her friends to pray for me recently because it’s quite clear to her that I  need a man (I mean, how many times can you get stopped by a cop for needing a new tag and use the excuse “that’s my dad’s job” without said excuse losing it’s juice). I’m not totally helpless but I also need someone a little more… well, grounded, in my day-to-day life. I’m blonder than I pay to be.

Anyway… back to my no game. Today I saw a beautiful white lab (similar to my old dog Dooley) traipsing through some bushes on the side of a major road in Charlotte. I pulled into a parking lot near these bushes because a) I was going to a restaurant in the area and b) I was gonna save that dog. Almost as soon as I pulled into the parking space I spot a smokin hot man playing on his iPad. I assumed it was his dog that I was about to save.

The inner, sassy me thought “woohoo-kismet!”
The outer me that had to act on said sass thought, “Crap.”

Long story short: I talked to the hot guy. He looked me in the eyes and seemingly enjoyed my company. However, I interacted more easily with the dog than the hot man. After a short talk,told him his dog was gorgeous, smiled, and walked away. I went into the restaurant with no name, no follow-up, and lots of dog hair on my pants.

No. Game.

I’m telling you this for a reason beyond my lack of confidence with the fellas. In the wide world of dating in which I find myself, there are so many options to run back into Hot Guy with the Gorgeous Dog. See which one you think falls in the line of a balanced approach:

• Suddenly become even more regular in this shopping area.
• Find a book to read and camp out on the benches near the door he entered.
• Never go to that area again for fear he won’t remember me.
• Find and friend him on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Instagram.

Yeah… I’m sure you can pick any of those and feel a little iffy about them. We all have random encounters on a daily basis. Most of you probably do a better job of acting on them than I do but… we all have our own quirks. When it comes to a chance encounter we do the best we can with the moment before us.

So, why is it, most of us can manage a chance encounter without turning into a stalker. Yet, when phone numbers are exchanged or friend requests are accepted, so many of us turn into that crazy person who shares way too much?

I know I’m guilty. I took a 40-day sabbatical from social media because I was an over-sharer. However, I’m also a chatty woman. I enjoy community with other people and I swear, that’s a chick thing. I bet a few of you reading this think I text too much (ahem, my brother) but I get excited and like to chat!

But, if you don’t write back to me I soon give up. I get the message. You’re not interested in being my friend. No hard feelings. I dig cool people but I want them to dig me too.

If you don’t write back I assume we’re not looking at our relationship in the same manner. Why do I think that? Because that’s the reason I don’t write back to a constant influx of communication.

I love to talk. I do. But, I also love my space. The people with whom I do life understand my awkward personality. They keep me from being a hermit while also keep me from being annoying. In a world where anything you’d ever want to know about someone is a Google search away it’s refreshing to have someone allow for balance in a relationship.

Granted, the balance is hard to find because everyone is different. And many of us shift in and out of a socially acceptable style and form of communication. But, may I suggest a couple of simple rules to consider before you hit “send” on that next text or email:

1. Do you have more than 2 recent unanswered messages from this person? If so, it’s probably best to leave that person alone.

2. What time of the day is it? If it’s working time or sleeping time, leave him/her alone. Both give… well, not great connotations.

After answering these two basic questions start to think about why you message so many people for surface chatter instead of seeking physical community with them. We’re made to be in the physical presence of each other. If you don’t have a lot of friends in your city, ask God to help you meet some. He’ll provide.

And if you need constant noise around you and the “ding” of an incoming text provides said noise… Well, it’s time to get quiet and figure out why you need noise. We’re called to community with each other but we’re also called to community with the Lord. If we’re seeking so many horizontal relationships that we’re ignoring our vertical one then we’re missing a huge piece of our community puzzle.

And, if you think I’m full of it, let me know. Again, hot guy’s dog got more flirting from me than he did. There’s a good chance I’m all kinds of wrong. But… what if I’m not?

The Class of 2000… Reliving My College Graduation May 14, 2012

I didn’t do college like most folks I know. While most college kids were figuring out their favorite adult beverages with fake IDs I was figuring out my favorite work out and how to eat at the KD house when the cute athletes were visiting. (True story–I almost failed Econ 10 because hot baseball players always ate at my house the same time I was to be in class.)

Once my graduation date rolled around it’s no shock that I wasn’t ready to quite leave Chapel Hill. To this day that place holds a place in my heart that I see nothing replacing. But, as I think on another class earning their UNC stripes, I’m brought back to the day I was officially an alumnus of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

A few days before my last exam my dad called to tell me his mom, my Mom (grandmother) had taken a pretty bad fall and was in the hospital. He thought it was best if my brother and I come to Mooresville (our home town) before heading to the beach with our buddies. I should have realized something was up because he’d paid for our trip and always encouraged us to be with our friends. Yet, he specifically asked us to come home.

I was 21, a college graduate, and in deep desire for a tan. I went home simply because he asked. But, I didn’t wanna.

We saw Mom on a Thursday night. She died the next day.

I remember my dad coming home to tell us. He’d had a new radio installed in my Ford Explorer as part of my graduation gift. In the middle of bringing it home to me he stopped by the hospital. He noticed a hub bub that wasn’t normal and just knew. It was Mom. And she was gone.

Before you get too sad, my dear sweet Mom had been “dying” for years. My Pop died when I was 10, Mom was sure there weren’t many days left for her. She lived another 11 years without him. But all she wanted was to be reunited with him. So, her death, though a week before my college graduation and should have been crippling, was more about celebrating her and her reunification with her love than it was feeling sad for me.

I recently visited her grave. I knew she was older than Pop, but I always thought it was by a year or two. Nope. I think she was a good 5-6 years older than him. I think I get my desire for younger men honest. My crazy Mom did the cougar thang long before it was popular.

But back to my graduation and why today I remembered it more than most years…

Mom died May 12, 2000. It’s been 12 years since she’s left me. Today it rained; just as it rained on my graduation day. Mom never would have made it to see my graduate. Her body wasn’t working as it should. She was as crazy as ever (goodness, she could make me laugh) but her body was failing her. As I waited to walk across the Kenan Stadium field it started to rain. And in that rain I felt my Mom.

The woman who’d sent me handmade cards for years that were full of Scripture and prayers got to see her prayers come to fruition that May in the best seat in the house…  She did get to see me graduate right beside others I’d lost along the way.

I still miss my Mom who played the organ at her church, told me she’d “see me in the funny papers”, and gave me $5 every major or minor holiday. But, never do I miss her more than this time of the year. She was a kooky and silly and let me do whatever I wanted. She was a grandmother. And I love her.