Lipstick Makes Everything Better

Glimpse of Heaven May 13, 2013

A lot of life around me hasn’t been easy this year. But then again, a lot of the struggles I’ve had are leading to some beautiful and God-ordained life changes. I wouldn’t trade the madness or the heart ache for a second because I know it’s brought my closer to who my God  needs me to be for His Kingdom.

And He’s not done. I’m still keeping a lower profile than my writing heart would like when it comes to public professions of trauma. I’m still crying more and laughing less than I want. But, I’m finding peace. Peace in each moment of each day.

A peace that surpasses understanding…

Throughout my journey I’m also seeing glimpses of Heaven; a reassurance that my God will never leave or forsake me. Last week, while on a trip with my life group, I got to ride a lion.

Over dinner the first night I told the gals that as soon as I get to Heaven I want to ride a lion and I fully expect my lion to be waiting on me. They laughed. And two days later we saw a statue outside a restaurant and I “rode” my first lion. And we laughed again.

So yes, life can be tough. But, goodness, a life lived seeking Jesus is also full of glimpses of Heaven. Keep your eyes open, friends. He’s everywhere.

Good Grief. Can We All Stay In Our Own Lanes? March 28, 2013

Okay, I really wasn’t going to say much about the whole red movement all over social media. Mostly because it’s red and I’m more of a pink gal. Pink makes me happy.

But life doesn’t turn out that way for me very often. My passion for life causes me to step into a controversy full swing. But, I’ve taken to posting passion ONLY when the Lord makes it clear that it’s time for me to talk. The good Lord knows I’ve kept my mouth shut more times than I’ve wanted in the last month on any number of topics, but this red movement has me so angry I can’t breathe.

And, nope, it has nothing to do with where the Supreme Court lands on marriage. My beef lies with Christians who cannot for the life of us get behind one positive topic that will truly change the world but we sure as heck will get behind something in which we don’t agree. How about we take a stand and get behind a true sexual revolution; one where God’s plan for sex is honored? One where marriages have healthy sex lives and those of us out of marriage aren’t constantly berated with sexual messages that cause us to fail over and over again in our pursuit to be pure.

I’ve been praying for a while now about sex. I’m intrigued about it and want to be in a marriage where I know I’ve got a full-time lover on my speed dial. But, even married folks struggle with it. Why? Why is this one little thing so very very hard? Easy answer, we live in a fallen world. But, the harder answer for many of us is that we settle for okay instead of waiting on the best.

So, as I prayed about sex (how cool that I can talk to my Lord about anything!) I came across 1 Corinthians 6:16-20 in the Message version:

16-20 There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.

Humans live for comparison. If someone does it worse than us we feel better about ourselves. As Christians we do it with a holy air about us and pull Scripture to back what may very well be judgement.

What I keep wondering is  how many of those with a full-blown argument against same-sex marriage in every form of social media also are having sex outside of marriage?

How many look at porn on a regular basis? How many do a double take of the woman in line with the Lululemon yoga pants or that fella in the gym with the ripped biceps and think oh so saucy thoughts?

Fellow Believers, Jesus did not spend His precious time on Earth for us to constantly condemn. Yes, I fully believe we stand on Scripture. And many of you will write Scripture underneath this to support your cause. Awesome. Go for it. But until any of us fully live the purity of God-ordained sex I don’t really think we have a stone to cast.

So, that’s it. I encourage you to stay in your own lane. I will assure you it’s hard enough for me to stay pure as a 34-year-old single woman surrounded by plenty of offers that seem mighty tasty. I surely have no business getting in your lane and giving you my two cents about it.

Make Up Monday: A Masterpiece March 17, 2013

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10

I love make up. I adore popping on a fun lip gloss or painting on an extra layer of mascara. Make up can cover up a blemish or enhance an attribute.

The thing about the thing is… we all know make up can cover and enhance but it can never turn us into someone we aren’t. And because I’m in a space of facing my true self (and hoping it’s causing you to ask a few questions too) instead of my typical Make Up Monday I wanna chat a minute about true beauty.

Lemme start with a simple fact: I can be extra hard on myself.  My absolute favorite new work out is FlyBarre. I go once a week and anxiously await the class. However… I often compare myself to others in my class. Things like… my clothes aren’t the latest style from Lululemon, my hair isn’t beautifully blown out, or my form isn’t perfectly in line… creep into my thoughts.

I talked to my counselor about how my comparison to others steals my joy while being in FlyBarre. I requested some sort of tool to help me leave the comparing and get back in the joy.

She simply said, “Ephesians, Arden. You are God’s masterpiece.”

From that one tip, I remind myself before I go into class I am God’s masterpiece. When I start to compare, I remind myself I’m God’s masterpiece. Any time I look at myself as less than who God created me to be, I quote Ephesians and assure myself, I. Am. God’s. Masterpiece.

And so are you. No make up can enhance or degrade the beauty of Christ shining through us.

But what happens when the masterpiece turns ugly? When we allow judgement and criticism to outweigh grace and mercy? Is there a blush to hide gossip? A bronzer for selfishness?  Does a concealer exist for our sinful actions? 

Nope. There’s nothing on Earth that can keep us from our own worst versions of ourselves. Our hearts innately are evil and ugly no matter how much positive spin we try to put on our actions.

God saved you by His grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.
Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. Ephesians 2:8-9

I am God’s masterpiece because of His grace. You are God’s masterpiece because of His grace. None of us can claim to be anything but people trying our best to live in God’s will and do God’s ways. As I quote Ephesians 2:10 to myself as a self boost, I also quote it about other people too. It’s helping me be less critical and more accepting.

So, your make up tip for this week is an old lesson taught year after year because it always proves to be true: Keep your well glossed lips shut unless you have something kind to say about yourself or someone else. I promise it’ll make your skin glow brighter than any other product I can possibly share with you.

Sharing My Space: Nan Gray’s Test into Testimony in Today’s Charlotte Woman March 4, 2013

We often wonder why me or do I deserve this or if God is a good God why does He allow so many bad things? I know I do. If you’re honest so do you. I hear the last one as an excuse for so many folks not to believe in God at all. And, in some ways, I get that.

But… As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9)

Looking back on her life journey so far, I know Nan Gray rests on the truth of God’s ways aren’t her ways. When tragedy upon tragedy came up on her though… well, it wasn’t so simple. The awesome thing about Nan is she chose to accept God’s will in her life and live in the freedom His grace and mercy provide.

Why does a good God allow for bad things? I don’t fully know. All I know is His ways are higher than mine and my test can become my testimony. So can yours. Read Nan’s story now and be encouraged that the world can be rotten but our God has overcome the world.

This link is the digital version. Nan’s story starts on page 22.

Leave the Ugliness Where it Belongs January 24, 2013

Pain never stays in its compartment. It finds a way to ooze into every facet of my being; my thoughts, my actions, my heart. A pain not dealt with never stays hidden. It never stays put. It always comes out and must be processed.

Today I start the process of dealing with a pain I’ve shoved aside for months.

I won’t go into details because you may get lost in the story and not in the healing. What happened to me happens to people all too often.And I reacted as I always react to a trauma… I blame myself, try to right the wrong done to me, and finally mentally pack the memory in a box and shove it aside.

None of worked. As much as I tried to shove aside the reality of what happened to me, it never fully went away. I’m a positive gal who’s always look at the bright side; the God’s-working-even-in-this side.

But, my friends, God can only work when I let Him in on the issue. And, let me tell you, I was too embarrassed to let Him in on anything. The ugliness didn’t need to be in His throne room. Not. At. All.

You know what I forgot though? Ugly may not belong in the throne room, but it does belong at the cross. Everything about that daggum cross is ugly.

It’s old, ratty wood. It’s streaked with blood from other criminals. It’s barbaric. And it’s where every single inch of filth was wiped from this Earth and made clean by my sacrificial Lamb of God.

I’m realizing my God does sit in a throne room too holy for me to ever enter. I’m striving to be a performance-based Christian and falling short. I keep trying to measure up to the King. I want to be with Him, at His right side relishing in His praise of “well done, good and faithful servant.”

But my place isn’t in the throne room. It’s never was.
My place lies in His sea of grace. 

Yes, traumatic pain happens to each of us and we often don’t respond very well to trauma.If you’re like me you find a way to  make matters worse. But, I realized last night I’ll never receive the peace I’m seeking without understanding the grace at the cross.

The fact Jesus had to die for me on the cross proves I’m not worthy of thinking about the throne room much less entering it. But, His cross bridged a way for me to get to my God anyway. And as much as pain continues to ooze throughout  my body, I’m laying each ounce of it and the actions that followed at the base of that old rugged cross.

I’m leaving the ugliness where it belongs. And jumping feet first into a sea of grace. 

Single In the City: Blue Fish. Red Fish. Oh, Wait. Catfish. January 18, 2013

I’m sick to my stomach over what I’ve read about male and female relationships in the last few days…

First, there’s a story of an alleged Catfish scandal with a prominent college football player:
Manti Te’o’s Dead Girlfriend, The Most Heartbreaking And Inspirational Story Of The College Football Season, Is A Hoax
by Timothy Burke and Jack Dickey

Then, I read a story from the New York Times about the end of dating and the beginning of, well… lots of trips to therapy:
The End of Courtship? by Alex Williams

And this morning, I see story about my alma mater allegedly underreporting sexual assaults on campus:
Complaint: UNC pressured dean to underreport sexual assault cases by Andy Thomason and Caitlin McCabe.

Quick PSA: There’s always more to each of these stories. And, I’m more than willing to showcase my alma mater because I want this issue stopped. Don’t kid yourselves into thinking underreporting sexual assault is only a UNC Chapel Hill thing. Feel free to hate my sports teams but don’t be naïve towards issues like rape on college campuses.

My initial thoughts on these articles is… no wonder folks fall for an online romance and never push to actually meet the person. If the reality of dating in today’s world equates to random text messages and not being taken seriously when reporting a sexual assault then give me the fantasy!

But, we as Believers should hope for more. We should realize there IS more. So, as I poured over these articles and felt my heart break with remorse of my own shortcomings I came across some outstanding words from my favorite poet, King David.

 ”I’m not trying to get my way in the world’s way. I’m trying to get your way, your Word’s way. I’m staying on your trail; I’m putting one foot In front of the other. I’m not giving up.” Psalm 17:4-5

When we look at dating in today’s world it’s very hard. It’s hard to trust. It’s hard to let down your guard. It’s hard to stay pure. Everything is hard. But, we have a promise from the Creator of our own beautiful love story. A promise of getting our heart’s desire (Psalm 21:2) if we’re just let Him work!!!

Friends, I KNOW it’s hard to wait on God’s timing. For whatever reason, it’s harder to wait on God’s timing then it is to trust the person on the other end of your computer screen who’s getting her PhD in neurology from the comfort of her living room and can’t meet you EVER because she’s so busy saving whales in Arizona. (Yeah, the ridiculousness of that statement is what we should feel when we trust a human over God.)

And I’m writing this particular post with such a prayerful purpose. I’m writing it because…

Someone reading this is being Catfished right now.
Someone else reading accepts late night hooks up as an okay way to maintain a relationship.
And many someones have lost faith in God and need to be reminded He hasn’t lost faith in you.

I want to encourage you to hold onto His Word, His Ways and let go of your words, your ways. Your heart’s desire is working its way to you as you read these words.

Until then, request God’s help in being content in your life at this moment. He’s got you in this space for a reason. Stop living in a fantasy and start enjoying the reality of God’s life for you right now. You are loved. Relish it.

Choosing Better December 30, 2012

I’ve lost my way. 

I kept repeating that phrase… My spirit radiated lost; loser. And I couldn’t get away from it. To be honest, the lost feeling perpetrated every aspect of my life. But, y’all relate most to my quest for a meaningful dating relationship so I’ll leave out my financial strains, work frustrations, and friendship woes.

Lemme tell ya a story called, I almost gave up any sense of self-worth to become a woman who sleeps around to feel something while remaining emotionally disconnected so I don’t feel too much.

It’s no secret to any of my readers that I’d love to be with my maaaaaaaaaaaaaan already. My man of God whose words match his actions. The one who gets me. The one who loves me (quirks included) with all of his being.  It’d been slow to happen and I got t-i-r-e-d of waiting.

Soooo… I surrendered my stubbornness and credit card number to match.com. Why match over eharmony or the good ol’ “woman seeking man” ads on Craigslist? Because match offered the most control. I can check a few boxes and have an assortment of men awaiting me. Control. Yeah… that’s never a good sign.

And I started dating. Lots. And lots. I met some nice guys and some totally tragic ones. I told myself I had to give more men a chance and therefore said “yes” to a lot of dates. (One day I’ll write those stories fo sho!) You  know what I felt though? Emptiness. Though I prayed over every situation and man appearing, I wasn’t feeling God totally penetrating the time spent with these men.

Know what I saw? A man’s use of foul language grates my very being but I never encouraged any of them to stop. I heard more sexual references, cuss words, and ill-treatment of other women from these dates than I’d heard in years. At one point I thought, “This is what’s left and I’m gonna have to deal.”

I’d chosen defeat over victory. I’d chosen the world over the Kingdom. I’d chosen Satan over Christ.

I promise you that I really started contemplating a lifestyle of getting my physical needs met while abandoning my desire for an emotional connection. I tell you this simply because I think many of us go to this place. Sex is so easy. I get offers on a regular basis for a little bangin booty. But, sex outside of marriage is not God’s way. It’s choosing a quick fix while succumbing to defeat.

And let me be a bit more honest… I wanted to sin so God would come for me; rip me out of my sinfulness and lead me to His way again. Y’all, I felt so abandoned by Him.

Then I heard an Elevation Church campus pastors, Larry Brey, speak and remind me I’m not abandoned. At all. And the way I thought about myself (good on paper not in person, nothing but a pretty face not worth keeping after that first kiss, someone’s conquest) IS NOT how God thinks of me.

Brey told me, “The only one who has the right to label me is the One who made me.”

And I realized the labels I gave myself that were leading me down this dark path were from Satan. He’d begun slowly taking my insecurities, while placing obstacles in my life, to lead me away from the Lord’s plan.

My labels, and yours, belong to the Lord.

Let’s choose today to believe we are who GOD says we are. Pray over His words for you. Believe me, He’s got some STELLAR vocabulary awaiting your arrival.

How Are We Loving Our Children? A Lipstick Reaction to Newtown December 17, 2012

But if you cause one of these little ones who trusts in me to fall into sin, it would be better for you to have a large millstone tied around your neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea. Matthew 18:6

I spent most of Friday, December 14, 2012 avoiding any sort of news stream. When my Charlotte Observer arrived Saturday morning I immediately dropped it in the recycling bin. I did the same with my Sunday paper. I finally turned on Good Morning, America and opened my paper today.

I can’t bear to see the innocent faces of those children and teachers staring back at me. I don’t want to think about the terror racing through their bodies during their last moments on Earth. I, like you, will have to face it though. We’ve got to take what we can learn from this tragedy and make our world better.

My lesson? I’d like us to look at how we’re loving our children…

How are we loving our children… This Christmas season?

• Did you spend more time in the mall waiting on a picture with Santa than you did praying with your children this week?
• On Christmas Eve, will you rush your children to bed so Santa can come or will you take a few extra minutes to tell them the Christmas story again?

How are we loving our children… In every day life?

• Do you go over their homework with them to know what’s happening in school?
• Are conversations about their lives encouraged or squashed because “children are to be seen and not heard”?

How are we loving our children… As they grow?

• Do you encourage your teenagers to seek modesty with their bodies as they grow and change?
• Do you hand your teenagers birth control because “if you’re gonna do it you better be safe”? Or, do you hand them to the Bible and encourage them to honor their future marriage?

Look, none of us claim to be perfect. I think a lot of us are doing the best we can. But, I’m not sure that’s good enough. Evil continues to push through and morph our way of thinking. Not indescribable evil like Newtown. But, subtle evil. The every day, not-of-God, worldliness that completely contradicts Scripture.

As you mourn Newtown with the rest of the nation, I want to encourage you to love your children in a Godly way. Our jobs as adults isn’t to be cool or hip with our kids. It’s to love them. And let’s be honest… love isn’t always cool or hip. But, it’s always best.

Wrecked By Protection December 9, 2012

My head’s exploding with a headache from sobbing this morning. My heart’s not broken by a man. I didn’t break any bones. And, no, fellas, I’m not PMSing. My sobs started over a story of loss from the Laymon Family in my church and ended with an overwhelming sense of just how much the Lord provides for me.

You see, I’ve been praying to really feel God’s love for a while now. I want to be overwhelmed by the intimacy of a child with her Father. It seems like this prayer would be an easy answer for God because His yearns for relationship with His children. But, let me tell ya, I didn’t feel the connection I so wanted.

What I realized this morning was I wasn’t looking in the right places. God, in all His creativity, decided to show up in a new way for me. He’s been my protector. 

When I finally fall in love with my maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnn one of the reasons I’ll fall is because I feel safe with him. I’ll fall into his arms and he’ll catch me.

He’s see purity and want to protect it, not wreck it. He’ll see my sensitivity as a plus, not a minus. And he’ll do everything in his power to ensure I’m safe. Loving me means protecting me.

And, y’all, this week the Lord’s protection surrounded me. I don’t feel comfortable sharing the details because, well, some things need to be left unpublished. But, I fully experienced the truth that God never leaves us or forsakes us. Even when we think He’s not anywhere to be found, He’s made Himself real comfortable in all the right places.

So, I want to boast in His protection and invite you to worship Him with me today. He’s ready to be your intimate provider too; just let Him.

Oh, God, my cornerstone and foundation,
My ever-present protector,
The Creator of all and the destroyer of none,
Lord, thank you for superseding in each way this week.

Thank you for protecting your daughter from the world’s ways
And comforting me with your grace. 

Oh, God, take my life and use it for Your Kingdom.
Let nothing I do be in vain,
And allow Your Spirit to flow freely from me. 
Father, You’re my everything, all I want and will ever need.

I love you. Amen.

PS–Please take 20 minutes and watch the Laymon Family video. Realize we are never promised another moment and live your life with full abandonment for the Lord today.

Breaking Under the Weight November 6, 2012

Frustrated.     Angry.     Hurt.     Rejected.     Defiled.     Crushed.    Burdened.     Sad.     Heartbroken.     

Breaking under ever-present sin.

I try to give my all to everything in my life. It’s likely I give much more than I ever expect to get in return. I realize it causes me to be stretched too thin, opens me up to heartache, and isn’t the worldly way. But, I’ve never been someone who does anything on the road most traveled so why start now?

Unfortunately, I’m having to learn boundaries because I feel myself breaking under the weight of sin; not my own (though I’m sure it’s in there) but the neglect I’m seeing from others. Because folks, when you don’t do unto others as you’d have them do unto you, you’re sinning.

If your friend only gets your attention when it fits your time scale …
that’s sin.

If your lover needs affirmation and you don’t  give it…
that’s sin.

If you refuse to break down walls because it’s hard work…
that’s sin. 

And one I struggle with hourly… if you don’t trust the Lord with all of the above plus everything else …
that’s sin.

You see, we’re all breaking under the weight of sin in this world. What many of us don’t realize is how our sin effects other people. When God said it wasn’t good for man to be alone, He was right (obvs) but I think we forget how alone we can make each feel even while in community. No matter what, each of us craves attention and love from those around us. But, we crave love in our own love language too.

I need your time. If you love me, I need you to want to spend time with me. But, I’m learning more and more, time doesn’t always equate to in-person. Sometimes I need you to chime in with a word of encouragement even when you don’t necessarily have the time. Is that selfish? Maybe… But, do I try to do the same for you, yes.

I’m not sure why we all want to give love in the way we receive it. I’m not sure why we aren’t willing to face the fact that our sins hurt other people around us; probably more than they hurt us.

What I do know is we’ve got to do a better job of self-reflection if any of us want to fully live the life the Lord intended for us.

Today spend time REALLY looking at your own actions. See them through other people’s eyes. If we’re to do unto other as we’d have them do unto us, how would we take what we give?